More than Anyone
by p.s-whatever2256
Summary: Simon and Clary have been best friends forever. He met Isabelle two years ago and now they're getting married. Simon asks Clary to be his best "man" and calls up a buddy from undergrad, Jace, to be his other groomsman. What will happen between Clary and Jace as they work to plan the perfect day for their friends? Will sparks fly? OOC, A/H, will be mulit-chapter!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys, this is just the beginning of a little idea I've had for a while. I know I'm still in the middle of "You Need Me, I Don't Need You" but I promise to update both stories as much as I can. I swear in ten days this will all be a lot easier to accomplish since I will be done my exams (yay!). So anyways, hope you guys like the story!**

Chapter 1:

Chapter song: Modern Love by Matt Nathanson

"Will you marry me?" Simon asked on one knee.

"It's perfect Simon!" I squealed, "Isabelle is going to _love _it!"

"You really think so?" He asked me, climbing back up on two feet.

"I know so. You and Isabelle are two of my closest friends, you deserve each other. I know it and so does everybody else. Besides, you've got this thing planned to a tee. Nothing will go wrong, I promise you!" I said, excitedly.

"Thanks, Clary," he said, wrapping me in a hug, "you always know what to say to make me feel better."

"That's what best friends are for," I said, returning his hug.

Simon released me and put the sparkling three carat ring back in his pocket. Simon and I have been best friends since Kindergarten. We've been completely inseparable through everything. In elementary school we would play cops and robbers together, in middle school he fended off all the bullies that targeted me. In high school he was my prom date and throughout university, even though we were at different schools, he was my main confidant. We've never been romantically involved, having always had more of a sibling dynamic.

Simon met Isabelle after we'd both secured our undergraduate degrees. I was living at home again and Simon walked into my house after meeting and spending the day with her and said, "Clary, I think I just met my future wife". I remember feeling a little sceptical because Simon had a tendency to fall in love very quickly, but after meeting Isabelle and getting to know her, even I could tell that they were simply meant to be.

"So you have the reservations?" I asked him.  
"Yes, everything's all set," he said while getting ready for dinner with Isabelle, "you really think she'll say yes?"

"Of course I do, seriously Simon, don't doubt yourself, it'll all work out for you two."

"Okay C, how do I look?" he asked, walking out of his room him a suit.

"You look good buddy," I said, hugging him one more time before he was out the door.

"I'll let you know how everything goes, alright?" he said, looking back at me one more time.

"Okay," I said, leaning against the wall.

"I can't believe it, after tonight I'm going to be engaged," he said, shaking his head in utter disbelief.

"Not if you don't get your slow butt out the door," I mocked.

He scowled at me one more time before leaving. I was so happy for the two of them. I was there for every step of their relationship and knew that this was the next one for the both of them.

That summer after undergrad when they met, Simon, Isabelle and I all moved to New York City. Simon wanted to get his master's degree in psychology and Isabelle wanted to continue studying fashion at NYU. It was my dream to go to NYU and study fine arts, specifically painting and sketching, so I applied and was accepted into a master's program. Simon and I lived together for a while until Simon asked Isabelle to move in. Three people living in a small two bedroom apartment was a little more than I could handle, so I found a place of my own. It was a cute little apartment not too far from where Simon lived. The three of us were still quite close and nobody messed with our dynamic.

For close to two years, we were all together. By the end of those two years, Simon told me that he was going to ask Isabelle to marry him as soon as he got his master's, well, now that time had come. I knew Isabelle would say yes as well. It was clear that those two were completely head over heels for each other and she'd confessed to me one drunken night that she was just waiting for him to pop the question.

I laughed to myself, remembering when Simon was ready to put his plans in motion and approached me with ideas a couple of weeks ago. He was so excited and wanted me to help him find the perfect ring. We shopped at what must have been every jewellery store in New York before he found what he was looking for: a white gold band with a vintage setting for a perfect clear cut diamond. Simon had me do a little reconnoitring for him to help determine what the perfect proposal would be like for Isabelle and together we planned everything.

I sighed and made my way to my little kitchen to fix myself a quick dinner with last night's chicken. I was planning on staying up late watching a couple of Leonardo DiCaprio movies because I had tomorrow off and wanted to wait for Simon's call that everything went well. I was a photographer for SA Photography. I loved my job, but my real passion was for painting. I loved being able to crate something with my own two hands that told it's own story and held deeper meaning. I didn't have anything worth selling when I got my master's degree, so I settled for a job in photography while doing art shows and painting on the side though this was only temporary while I saved up enough to buy my own studio and find a different job that allowed me to paint.

I finished my dinner quickly and popped in my movies, waiting up for Simon's call. He promised to get in touch after he proposed. I told him that it would be fine if he found me the next day at some point, but he was determined to let me know that our efforts paid off. I had just finished Inception when the phone rang, it was Simon as I'd expected.

"Clary, Clary! She said yes," Simon exclaimed. He sounded so excited.

"Aww, congrats buddy, I told you she would!" I said, excited for him

"Oh my God I think I'm in shock. I'd better go though, I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said hurriedly before hanging up.

I put my phone back on the table, grinning ridiculously. Simon's tendency to fall for people tended to betray him easily, he was very emotional after all and girls used this to their advantage by manipulating him. This all changed with Isabelle, she helped him wise up and be a better person for himself. She was part of him by now. That girl was truly a force to be reckoned with.

I slowly got up from the couch feeling rather tired. I didn't feel up to watching anymore Leo, so I headed to bed. I slid under my covers, wondering what it would be like if I ever got to meet my match. Oh how lucky I would be…

**So this is just the beginning. I'm hoping to make this a longer story, but we'll see how everything goes. Please Please Please review! They make me a better writer and you a happier reader **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Guys! So here's the next character, in which you are briefly introduced to Jace **

Chapter 2:

Chapter song: Life is Beautiful by Vega4

I woke up bright and early the next morning being shaken awake by Isabelle.

"Clary! Clary!" she said, jumping up and down on my bed, "wake up!"

"I'm up! Geez, Isi, where's the fire?" I asked sarcastically. I hated being woken up by anybody, especially on my day off.

Isabelle sat down on my bed, tossing her long black hair over her shoulder and turning her deep blue eyes on me. A genuine smile graced her face and she shouted "Simon asked me to marry him!"

"I already knew," I admitted, preparing to be trampled by her.

Her expression changed instantly and shifted from delight to confusion. "You already knew he was going to ask me? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked sounding a little hurt.

"He wanted it to be a surprise and he asked me to help plan it for you. He just wanted everything to be perfect," I said as I sat up, trying to reassure her a little.

Her expression morphed back to glee. "Oh, well I don't have any problem with that," she said laughing, "I'm so excited Clary. I've wanted this for so long!"

"I know sweetie," I said, getting out of bed and grabbing some clothes to put on.

"You'll help me plan it right?" she asked hopefully, "you have good opinions on these kinds of things, and God forbid Magnus tries to get involved."

Magnus was Isabelle's brother in law. He married Isabelle's brother, Alec, two years ago. He is flamboyantly gay and has a catering company in Manhattan and would probably take it into his rather glittery hands to plan Isi's entire wedding. I knew that Isi would never stand for it, so I agreed before any conflict could present itself.

"Perfect," she said, grinning like a Cheshire cat, "Simon wants you to come out to a celebratory brunch with the two of us, alright?"

"Sure," I said, getting dressed and heading to my bathroom to wash my face.

We left as soon as Isabelle deemed me "decent"… this unfortunately took a fair bit of make-up and hairspray to achieve, but I let her have free reign. It was, after all, one of the best days of her life, and I didn't want to change this.

We walked to a little café close to my apartment where Simon was sitting by himself, perusing a menu.

"Hey babe," Isi said, sliding into the booth next to him.

"Hi hun," he replied, kissing her on the cheek.

I picked up my menu, wanting to try something new. The waitress stopped by our table and took our orders and menus.

"So Clary," Simon began, "I have a question for you."

"Shoot," I said, wondering what he was going to ask me.

"You've been there for me my entire life and you're my best friend. I know it's not, er, conventional, but I wanted to know if you would be my best man," he said with a grin.

I looked at him, completely shocked. Slowly, a smile spread across my face and I launched myself across the table, hugging him tightly. "Of course I will!" I exclaimed, "wait, does this mean I have to wear a suit?"

He laughed before responding, "nah, wear whatever you want."

"Yay!" Isabelle shrieked, "I told you she would say yes!"

"What would make me say 'no' to that, Simon?" I asked curiously. We were best friends. Hell, even if I did have to wear a suit, I would still do it.

"I don't know," Simon said shyly, "what with your opinions on weddings and marriage, I didn't know if you would be against the idea or not."

I could see why that would be a concern for him. My parents got divorced when I was pretty young and it was ugly. The custody battles and agreements did not come easily and they went through a lot of lawyers before they finally reached a conclusion. My mom got sole custody of me, but things were still really tense within my family. In addition to this, all of my endeavours into love tended to end badly so I eventually just gave up on the idea of it. Simon, Isi and my mother were the only exceptions to this.

"Simon," I began, "you are one of the most important people in my life. The only reason I could ever say no to this would be if you forced me into doing something exceptionally crazy for you…like hire a stripper for your bachelor party which, by the way, I am _not_ doing."

Isabelle shot me an appreciative glance at this remark while Simon guffawed. Our waitress appeared moments later, carrying three plates loaded with food. We ate while talking comfortably about some ideas for the wedding.

"Oh yeah, Clary I forgot to mention," Simon said as he wiped his mouth with a napkin, "I called up a friend of mine from undergrad, Jace, to be my other groomsman. He was one of my only friends at school, and we've been keeping in touch since graduation. He was actually promoted recently and has to move out here for business. Anyways, I just thought you should know."

Simon had mentioned Jace a few times. I'd even seen a couple pictures of him from Simon's undergrad experiences. He was really good looking, with a head of golden hair and a well developed body along with a gorgeous smile.

"Sounds good," I said as I continued to eat.

"Also," Isi said, "Alec is going to be my 'maid of honour'… I guess Simon and I really know how to screw up gender roles."

.We laughed at this for a few minutes. Our little group never was very conventional.

"When is Jace supposed to get here?" Isi asked, turning to Simon questioningly.

"He flies in tomorrow, though all of his stuff is already here. He found a sweet apartment not too far from us and had all his stuff shipped over last week," Simon responded, taking a sip of his coffee when he finished.

We finished our food soon after that and went our separate ways. I was really happy for the two of them. I knew that the next few months were going to be exceptionally hectic as we attempted to put this wedding together, but it would totally be worth it.

I headed to the subway station so that I could pay a visit to my mother and share the news with her. My mother lived in a small studio apartment in Brooklyn where she spent most of her time painting. We once held a mother-daughter exhibit and several people noted how similar our styles were. My mother introduced sketching and painting to me at a very young age and taught me most of what I know now, so I wasn't very shocked to hear this.

The subway car lurched and jerked but eventually got me to my stop. I stepped off the platform and made my way to my mother's place. I pulled out my key and unlocked the door, stepping inside. The scent of paint and canvas greeted me. It smelled like home.

"Mom?" I called out.

"In the kitchen sweetheart," she yelled back.

I navigated through all the paintings and made it to the kitchen. My mother stood at the stove, her hands on her hips as she cooked herself some grilled cheese.

"Clary!" she exclaimed, "you haven't come by here in a while. I was beginning to think my own daughter had forgotten about me," she scolded playfully.

"Oh very funny mom," I said, sitting down at her tiny kitchen table.

"So," she said, putting her now finished sandwich on a plate and sitting down across from me, "to what do I owe this pleasure."

"Simon proposed to Isabelle," I said excitedly.

Mom dropped her sandwich in shock and her eyes went wide. "That's wonderful! I wondered when he was going to finally do it."

"Mom!" I exclaimed, "anyways, he asked me to be his best man."

My mom furrowed her eyebrows in confusion while taking a bite of her grilled cheese. She swallowed and asked, "honey, isn't that a man's job?"

"Well," I began, "Simon felt like defying gender stereotypes. Besides, I'm his best friend."

"Fair enough," she responded, laughing, "well good for them. They deserve to be happy!"

I agreed with her. I didn't stay for too long because my mom claimed she needed a "silently cleansed environment" in which to finish her painting for her show which was coming up. I rolled my eyes at her silly ways and left her in peace. I went back home on the rickety old subway and stepped into my little apartment. I still had a majority of the day ahead of me and nothing planned. I decided to do some research for the wedding. I knew that this would be a long, time consuming process and Isi would need all the help she could get. She and Simon were both just starting out at new jobs, so their incomes couldn't really support a huge celebration, but that didn't mean I still couldn't help make it a night to remember.

I was online for a few hours, compiling a list of possible florists, photographers, venues and bands for the wedding. I knew that Magnus would end up handling the catering and I could probably get a friend from work to do all the photography. That said, there was still a lot to be done.

By now, it was nearing six o'clock and I had virtually no food in my fridge to make dinner. I headed out, donning my leather jacket and a pair of converse. I stopped by the small grocery store close to my house and bought all the essentials for pasta, along with some other foods I was running low on. I headed back up to my apartment and put some music on as I started cooking some pasta.

_Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.  
We barely make it.  
We don't need to understand,  
There are miracles, miracles._

Yeah, life is beautiful.  
Our hearts, they beat and break.

When you run away from harm,  
Will you run back into my arms,  
Like you did when you were young?  
Will you come back to me?

I will hold you tightly  
When the hurting kicks in.

I loved singing and dancing while I cooked my food. It made everything a little more fun. I didn't have a bad voice, in fact, it's one of my only skills that Simon has yet to criticise. I shook my head in time to the beat while I stirred the pasta. I vaguely heard my phone ringing over the sounds of the music and rushed to turn down the music and catch the phone in time.

"Hello?" I said breathlessly.

"Is this Clary?" a deep male voice asked on the other end.

"Depends on who is asking," I said in return. I always said this to unfamiliar callers. I've had some pretty interesting phone encounters as precedent to say the least.

"This is Jace, I'm a friend of Simon's," he said with a laugh.

"Oh," I said a little surprised, "Um, how did you get this number?"

"From Simon," he responded, "do you always interrogate people on the phone like this?"

"You can never be too careful," I pointed out.

"Fair point," he said in agreement, "I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm moving to New York tomorrow and thought I would get in touch with my fellow, ah, groomsman,"

I laughed at this, "Ha-ha, yeah, I can see your point. Well, I'm looking forward to meeting you in person, Jace," I said warmly.

"The feeling is mutual," he said in his deliciously sexy voice.

_Whoa, where did that come from?_

"Um, anyways, I'd better go. I don't want to overcook my pasta and I'm sure you have things to do," I said.

"Alright then, bye Clary," he said, hanging up the phone.

I dropped my phone on my kitchen counter and rushed back to the stove to drain my pasta. I added a little tomato sauce and sat down on my couch, turning the television to the news. There wasn't too much happening, but I liked to keep up with the times.

I spent the rest of the night sketching. My job was pretty demanding and didn't leave me a lot of time to work on my art, so I usually spent most of my spare time indulging my creative side. I sketched well into the night and only put my pencil down when I noticed the time.

"Shit!" I exclaimed. It was past one in the morning and I had a full day of work tomorrow.

I put my papers down on my coffee table and headed to bed without a second thought. Tomorrow was _not_ going to be fun. I rarely worked well with fewer than eight hours of sleep. I turned my light off and snuggled under my covers thinking of a certain golden haired individual before drifting off to sleep.

**So that's the next chapter. I'm still opening up the storyline a little bit, but give it time, I don't want to overwhelm you with characters or anything. Please please review! I value opinions and they really do inspire me to write **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello wonderful readers! Here's the next chapter where we get to meet Jace ;)**

Chapter 3:

Chapter song: Wedding Dress by Matt Nathanson

The next morning came too quickly for my liking as my annoying as hell alarm clock beeped loudly. I groaned while I sleepily reached over to my nightstand and attempted to shut it off. My efforts were futile, if anything, the damned thing seemed to be getting louder and louder. I eventually tore myself away from the soft comforts of my bed and slammed my fist on the off button.

I stood up lazily and made my way over to my shower. I tamed my wild mess of fiery hair which took a solid twenty minutes, as usual, before heading back to my bedroom and reaching inside my closet for a decent pair of clothes. I pulled out a white blouse and a pair of tan high rise shorts. These would be appropriate for the assignment I had today… I hoped. I still remembered one memorable occasion when I was kicked out of a venue for being underdressed. I never wanted that to happen again. I mindlessly dressed, my thoughts on the fresh pot of coffee brewing in my kitchen. I was a major caffeine addict and would be nowhere in this world without my morning cup of goodness.

I lazily poured myself a cup and sat down at my table, looking through my e-mail. There was a short message from my boss, Aline, reminding me that I needed to head over to Central Park for a wedding at 10:00, I smiled at this. I loved taking pictures at weddings, they were honestly my favourite assignments. It wasn't because everybody looked done up, or the venue was decorated to perfection, it was just the look on the guest's faces. A lot of the time, you can't fake a smile or emotion in a photo, you can always read a person's expression. At a wedding, emotions are never forced, they flow easily through a crowd and light up a person's features the way only an honest smile can. That kind of beauty is the kind that I captured best in both photos and paintings.

I finished my cup of coffee quickly, brushed my teeth and grabbed my camera and a few granola bars as I left my apartment for the rest of the day. I took the subway to the park and had arrived a little early. I had close to half an hour before I needed to be at the exact location of the ceremony, so I decided to wander a little bit. As an artist, I can truthfully say that Central Park is a dream come true. There is so much beauty here that I could capture. Though I loved photography, there was nothing quite like capturing a moment with my own two hands. Unfortunately, I never have time to just sit in a park for hours on end and paint. I know I could always take a picture of what I wanted to sketch, but it wasn't the same. Nevertheless, I walked around, taking pictures of everything that caught my eye before heading over to the wedding. I arrived at the same time as the florist, so everything was a little chaotic, but I managed to find the event coordinator easily.

"Clary Fray?" a woman of around forty asked me. She had a rather calm demeanour and seemed pretty friendly, not the norm for event coordinators. They always seemed severely stressed out.

"Yes," I said, shaking her hand, "I'm the photographer for the event."

"Wonderful! Everybody should be arriving with the next hour or so. I trust you have a plan for the photos?" she asked.

"Yes," I said excitedly, "I've been here for several weddings in the past and know of all the good spots for pictures. And with a gorgeous day like today, I should be able to take all the shots I'll need."

"Magnificent!" she said, clapping her hands together. I guessed that she'd had to work with some amateurs in this business.

"I'll take some shots of the set up for now, I suppose," I told her while she nodded enthusiastically.

I went over to the place where I would be taking all the photos of the bride and groom and checked all the settings on my camera. It didn't take me long to do this because the weather conditions were ideal. It was a perfect day for a wedding, the sun was shining and there were very few clouds in the sky.

I headed over to where the ceremony would be held and spent the next half an hour or so taking pictures of the area as it was being set up. When people started arriving, I got pictures of everybody. I loved to take candids at all of my events. It went back to everything I knew about expressing emotions and how that affected art. Capturing the uncensored nature of people was the most honest kind of art and was very easily done in photography.

Closer to the ceremony, I found the bride and took some pictures of her. She looked ecstatic, and absolutely radiant in her dress. When it was time for the ceremony, I wished her all the best before I sneaked off into a little corner and got shots of the entire event. The bride and groom looked incredibly happy as they stated their vows and said their "I do's". I couldn't help myself from taking a load of pictures.

It was times like these when I questioned my views on love and life. When you see this kind of happiness and overwhelming emotion from two people, I can't help but think that maybe I have everything a little backwards. I mean, if two people can look this happy right now, who's to say they won't feel this way fifty years into the future?

As the bride and groom kissed and walked back down the aisle together, I took a series of shots. I approached them and introduced myself before asking if they wanted some shots together while we had the sunshine. They happily agreed and I took another large chunk of photos as they kissed, hugged and gazed into each other's eyes. They thanked me for the suggestion before heading off to the reception.

The reception was going to be at Tavern on the Green, a favourite restaurant of mine. It was a really lovely place to eat, quite fancy, but nothing over the top. The whole event was absolutely stunning. The food was incredible, as usual and the music choices were lovely. That was one thing about weddings that very few people got right in my opinion. Music was another great passion of mine, and when somebody hired a DJ that only played the old favourites, I always got a little upset.

When the wedding finished and the bride and groom were in a cab headed to the airport, I took a cab over to the studio to show Aline the photos.

"Clary," she said walking over to me briskly, "what do you have for me?"

"Well," I began, "I have a bunch of shots from the wedding. Everything was perfect, and I think they'll be pleased."

"That's what I like to hear," she said, "hop on a computer, there's a few empty ones and you've got some good editing skills."

"Okay, I'll get right on that," I said, walking past her into the editing room.

Aline never commented on my editing before. It wasn't my favourite thing to do, but, as an artist, I had a good eye for that sort of thing. I put the memory chip in the computer, popped my headphones in and got down to work. I opened up Photoshop as my collection of "the Script" played softly in my ears and spent the next few hours fiddling around with the settings on all the pictures. By the time five o'clock rolled around, I'd gotten through about half of them. I rubbed my eyes lazily and turned the computer off. I felt my phone vibrate dully against my thigh and pulled it out quickly, it was Isabelle.

"Hey Isi," I said, stifling a yawn.

"Clary? Jeez, you sound tired, how are you?" she asked, sounding a little worried.

"I'm alright, it's just been a long day, that's all," I said while I packed my bag with one hand.

"Well, if you're not up for it, I totally understand, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner. Jace, Alec and Magnus will be here, and I promise I won't cook anything," she said hurriedly.

When Isi and I started hanging out on a regular basis, she suggested we have a girl's night. She tried to cook chicken parmesan, but it was a disaster, ever since, I have kept her away from the kitchen. I swear, one day she will poison somebody with her atrocious cooking skills!

"Nah, I'll come over," I said, remembering the state of my food supply with a grimace.

"Great, can you be here in an hour?" she asked.

"You bet," I said, hanging up the phone.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and put my camera in my locker. I wasn't out on an assignment tomorrow, so I would end up here, working on the pictures for most of the day. I walked out of the building and made my way through the busy streets to the subway station. Isi and Simon's place wasn't too far, but I wanted to stop by my apartment before heading over. After a long day, I imagined I looked like a total wreck.

As I unlocked my door and took in my appearance, I gasped. It must have been more humid than I thought because my hair was a wreck. It seriously looked like I had an afro!

I hurried into my bedroom and pulled my hair back into a Katniss Everdeen style Dutch braid and fished out a pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt to wear for tonight. When I deemed myself presentable, I headed over to Isi's.

I knocked on the door lightly and Magnus's striking face greeted me on the other side.

"Clary Fray, I feel as though I haven't seen you in years!" he said, enveloping me in a warm hug.

"Hey Magnus, how have you been?" I asked.

At this, he began describing his most recent trip with Alec to the Galapagos Islands in vivid detail. I listened intently, Magnus always knew how to tell a good story. He was just recounting a story about a particularly peculiar iguana when Alec sidled up next to him. Alec and Magnus appeared to be polar opposites on the outside. Alec had dark hair and a mysterious, shy aura about him. Magnus, on the other hand, was the most noticeable person in the room at all times and never had a problem with standing out. Despite their obvious differences, however, they still had a fantastic marriage.

"Are you telling the iguana story to _another_ person, Magnus?" Alec asked exasperatedly.

"You know," he said, turning to face Alec, "one day, you'll appreciate my noble skills in storytelling."

I laughed at this and Magnus continued to tell me about the rest of their vacation. When he'd finished talking, he turned to ask Alec something at the same moment somebody started knocking on the door. I rushed up to get it and jerked the handle open roughly. At the appearance of the person standing before me, I was stunned into silence.

In my life, I've seen a lot of good looking guys, a few of them have been my friends, I even dated one of them for a while, but all those people suddenly paled in comparison to the person standing in front of me. He was tall with light blond curly locks. His tawny eyes were gentle and appraising and his exceptional physique made my mouth water. The stranger stared at me a little awkwardly for a few moments and ran his long fingers through his gorgeous hair. I remembered polite manners and stopped gawking at him long enough to say "Hi."

He smirked at me. He definitely knew I was checking him out. "Hello there," he said, his eyes raking up my body, "I'm Jace."

**Beware for intensely detailed descriptions of Jace in the future lol. Anyways, that's the third chapter for you guys! Let me know what you think ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm really happy you guys seem to like the story so far. Your reviews are really encouraging! Anyways, sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger last week, but this chapter makes up for it, I think. It gives a little more insight into the characters.**

Chapter 4:

Chapter Song: Setting Sun by Eskimo Joe (some of you may recognize this from the last song when Liam and Miley were making out…I'd like to think it's better used in this chapter lol!)

From last chapter:

_He smirked at me. He definitely knew I was checking him out. "Hello there," he said, his eyes raking up my body, "I'm Jace."_

I regained my abilities to make conversation and dumbly said, "uh, hi. I'm Clary." I held out my hand and he took it gently in his much larger one, shaking it firmly. His hands were magnificent; I couldn't help myself from imagining all the things he could do with them…

"I thought so," he said, still smirking at me in a way that should be illegal.

"Come on in," I said, releasing his hand and moving aside. He strode in swiftly and grinned even wider when he saw Magnus and Alec.

"Hey guys, how are you?" he asked, exchanging awkward man-hugs.

"Good good," Alec replied, grinning at Jace.

"Well well well, Jace Herondale, It's been a while. Tell me, how is that charming mother of yours?" Magnus asked sharply.

At this, Jace's eyes narrowed slightly. He regained his composure in a few seconds though and said, "she's good."

It was silent and awkward for a solid five seconds before I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm going to see if Simon needs any help. Lord knows he wouldn't ever let Isi in the kitchen," I said, giggling nervously.

I left the room quickly, leaving the three men to continue their conversation. I was never built to handle awkward situations like that, so I knew it was best that I just leave. I pushed the swinging door that led to Simon's kitchen and looked around the room. He seemed to be a little overwhelmed with food, so I washed my hands and put myself to work.

"Clary! Oh thank God you're here. Isi is good at a lot of things, but she is no help in the kitchen. Would you mind checking on the rice?" He asked, clearly distraught by all the cooking he still had left to do.

"Yeah, no problem," I said, rushing over to the stove.

I managed to save the rice from being permanently scalded to the bottom of the pan and fixed up a vegetable dish.

"Hey Simon," I asked as I put the finishing touches on the carrots, "tell me about Jace."

He looked at me curiously, "what do you want to know?"

"I don't know, just tell me about him. I don't know him well at all and would like to see his character a bit more before we start planning things for the wedding," I said.

Simon shook his head, "you and you're stupid trust issues," he mumbled. "Alright, well we met when I was a freshman and he was a senior. We were both a little lost. Jace was a jackass back then, not going to lie. He slept with almost every girl he'd ever met and didn't really care about anybody's feelings," he said, watching the oven.

"I can completely understand why you're such good friends," I said sarcastically.

Simon glared at my playfully, "he's not like that anymore. He doesn't talk about it much, but growing up for him was really difficult. His mother didn't have the best influence in his life and he was really confined by her. When he left home and started school, he was a little overwhelmed by all the freedom and still had a lot of issues to sort out. Needless to say, he's a much better person now. He's one of the most loyal, honest people I know. He's actually a lot like you."

"Oh yes," I said exasperatedly, "because I handled having a rough childhood by sleeping with anything that moved. Come on Simon, I don't really see any similarities," I said, still wondering how someone like Jace could ever befriend Simon.

Simon pulled the roast out of the chicken and sighed. "Just give him a chance, Clary," he said pleadingly, "he's a good guy."

"Sure sure," I said casually.

We finished preparing all the food about five minutes later, and by this point, Simon looked ready to collapse.

"I am never cooking a big dinner ever again, thank goodness caterers exist," Simon said, wiping his brow and leaning up against the counter.

"Yeah, I'm sure Magnus will have a great time organizing food for fifty people," I said laughing lightly.

Together, Simon and I brought all of the dishes out to the table. I was just leaving with my arms full of plates when the door opened from the other side. I braced myself for a nasty fall, but it never came. Jace wrapped his arm firmly around my waist and pulled me up. I felt my skin heat up where his arm touched me and couldn't fight the blush that forced its way onto my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" he asked, clearly a little flustered.

"Yeah, thanks for catching me," I said, slightly stunned by his reflexes.

He seemed to realize that his arm was still wrapped around my waist a few silent seconds later and released me, though he didn't move away. I raised my eyebrow at him, silently asking him to move out of the way and he complied with that signature smirk of his. I brushed past him, grazing his arm in the process and blushed furiously again.

"Jeez Clary, what's got you blushing like a fire truck?" Maguns asked, quirking an eyebrow while gesticulating wildly. He clearly already knew the answer to his question and was just trying to get a rise out of me.

"Nothing Magnus, it's just a little hot in here," I said nonchalantly, putting the plates down on the counter with a little more force than necessary.

"Yeah, I'll bet," he said, laughing loudly.

"Oh shut it!" I said, pointing a finger at him threateningly, "that's not what I meant!"

"I'm sure it wasn't," he replied sarcastically.

"Breathe a word of this to anyone and I will tell Isi and Alec all about what happened last New Year's Eve!" I threatened darkly.

Magnus paled. "You wouldn't dare!" he whispered, grimacing at the memory.

"Try me," I whispered back.

"Uh, what's going on?" Simon asked confusedly. Magnus and I were engaged in a little stare down, but back away from each other quickly.

"Oh nothing," Magnus said, shrugging off Simon's question, "don't worry your pretty little head about it."

Simon shrugged and grabbed a plate, filling it with food while I followed suit. I sat down at the table, slipping in next to Alec. Jace approached us a few seconds later, taking the seat across from me. When everybody had a plate full of food, we started eating.

"So, everyone," Isabelle began, "I thought we should all be here tonight since every one of you will play a big role in this wedding. Alec is my maid of honour and Clary and Jace will be Simon's groomsmen."

"Way to leave me out!" Magnus cried indignantly.

"And Maguns will cater the event," Isabelle said, daring him to talk back to her again, "I know that we aren't all that close, but by the end of these next three months, I'm sure we'll be the best of friends."

At this, I involuntarily looked at Jace and saw him eyeing me intently.

"Cheers!" Isi said excitedly.

We all clinked glasses and I took a big gulp of wine. I wasn't a big drinker, but tonight I felt as though I needed it. Jace's stares were a little unsettling and I hoped the alcohol would help in that department.

The rest of the night was spent catching up for the most part. I'd learned a lot about Jace. He was from London, England and moved to the US when he was ten years old with his mother, Imogen, after his father passed away. He lived in Connecticut for a while but moved away for his undergraduate degree where he studied law. Right now, he's working at a family law firm.

"So, Clary, what about you? What have you been up to lately?" Jace asked after he'd finished talking.

"There's not much to say," I said honestly. My life was pretty boring and, unlike my peers, I wasn't doing what I loved, nor was I particularly successful.

"Nonsense!" Simon said, "Clary is a photographer, one of the best at her company. She's also and artist and will be doing an exhibit soon. Isn't that right Clare?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. I hated when people spoke about me as though I was more prosperous than I actually was, "but I might have to postpone that. I've been putting in a lot of hours at work and haven't had a lot of time to paint or sketch."

"I'm sure you'll get it all done," Isi said assuredly, "knowing you, you'll find the time to get everything sorted out."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I said sincerely before turning to my food once more.

"I think that's really interesting, being an artist I mean. It takes a lot of skill and confidence to put your work out there. It's admirable," Jace said suddenly.

I looked up at him, trying to detect a note of sarcasm or condescension in his voice, but he both looked and sounded sincere. I was so used to people ripping on me for being an artist, they often said that it wasn't a viable or honorable career path. Well screw them! What would the world be without art?

"Thanks," I responded simply. I wasn't all that good at taking compliments.

"So, Alec, tell us more about working as an engineer," I said, deflecting the attention off of me.

Alec shyly started talking about Mercedes and how he was working on improving the basic design for an engine. The rest of dinner went very well and we all talked a little about details for the wedding afterwards.

"So we have the catering, and Clary can find a friend who will take pictures, but we still need to figure out, flowers, a venue, a minister, the band, the honeymoon, guest arrangements, invitations, a date, my dress hair and make-up and…I think that's everything," Isi said, counting how many things we had to organize with her fingers.

I gawked. I didn't realize how much we had to organize. Isi and Simon wanted to get married within the next few months, but I didn't see how we would get everything all figured in that time frame. Everyone else seemed to share my anxiety, but Isi calmed us down, reminding everyone that there were six of us, and together we would be able to organize everything. Isi was a bit too much of an optimist and a little less of a realist, but I still hoped everything would work out.

"I know it seems like not enough time to get everything done, but we'll divide and conquer. I'm sure in the end we'll figure it all out," Isi said, reassuring us for now.

"It still seems like a lot of work Isi," I said worriedly.

"It'll be fine Clary," Simon said, "besides, we can always postpone if necessary."

I decided to drop my concerns for now, not wanting to be a downer. By around midnight, everyone started leaving. I only had to walk a few blocks to get back home, but just as I was about to leave, Jace grabbed my arm, keeping me from moving. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, gesturing to my arm.

"Will you, uh, let me go?" I asked, not really wanting him to let me go at all. _Where were these pervy thoughts coming from? _I asked myself confusedly. I can honestly say that Jace is the only person I've ever had this problem around.

"Were you planning on walking home by yourself?" he asked seeming very concerned.

"Well, yes. I do it all the time. I only live a few blocks away, and the big bad streets of New York don't scare me," I said firmly.

"I'd feel a lot better if you let me walk you home," he said, still looking extremely concerned.

"Jace, don't worry about it. I do this practically every other night, and nothing bad has happened to me," I said, attempting to soothe him.

"Please?" he whispered looking deeply into my eyes.

I melted. Literally. I felt like his golden eyes were touching my very soul and, though I didn't want to, I said yes. He instantly perked up, smiling widely, leaving me wondering how he got me to say yes to him.

"Great," he said, opening the door, "shall we?"

I brushed past him without a word and made my way towards the narrow staircase. He followed closely and started talking after a few minutes of silence.

"You're a bit of a mystery," he said suddenly.

I looked over at him. "We just met," I said, "did you honestly expect to have me figured out after one night of knowing me?"

"Yes," he said bluntly, "people can be pretty easy to read."

"I disagree," I said, considering his words carefully, "there are a lot of little things that you can't know about a person upon meeting them. Plus, everybody has a shield up around people they've never met before, so you don't get the real picture."

"Do you have a shield up right now?" he asked intensely.

I stayed silent for a few minutes, thinking of my reply.

"Stick around," I said, "you might just find out."

"Oh I intend to do _much_ more than that," he whispered in my ear. I shivered involuntarily at his closeness but couldn't deny how good it felt to have him near me.

We reached my apartment a minute later and I turned around to say goodbye. Jace was much closer than I'd originally anticipated so I automatically backed up a few steps until I felt my back press against the door of my building.

"Goodnight Jace," I said, looking into his eyes warily.

"I'll be seeing you, Clary," he said back at me.

I turned around to let myself into my building. When I made it to the elevator, I pivoted to face the door and saw that Jace was gone. I let out a deep breath that I didn't even realize I had been holding. That whole night had to be one of the weirdest experiences of my life. I'd never met anybody who observed me so closely for such a long time. I felt as though Jace was anticipating and evaluating my every move. It was a little unnerving, but I didn't act any differently than normal for me.

I'm sure that once I got a better idea of who he was, I would feel a little more comfortable around him, but for now, Jace was still a mystery to me, though I couldn't deny how much I wanted to figure him out.

I walked down the narrow hallway to my apartment and let myself in. I changed into my pyjamas quickly and went straight to sleep. I wanted to get an early start on the wedding pictures so that I could send them to Aline for approval. I set my alarm and settled into a deep sleep.

MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA* MtA*

Then next morning dawned in the same fashion as the last: annoyingly abrupt. I sat up quickly, rubbing away the tiredness that seemed to live in my eyes. I pulled on my NYU shirt and a pair of jeans before poring myself a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. I got to work at around nine o'clock and fished my memory chip out of my locker. I spent most of the morning editing the remaining photos while listening to Angus and Julia Stone. I only glanced at my watch a few times, but couldn't ignore the pangs of hunger, signalling it was time for lunch. I locked the computer I was working on and headed to the cafeteria. I'd never liked cafeteria food, especially after being forced to eat mystery meat throughout high school, but nevertheless I bought a chicken salad. I grabbed my tray sharply and headed over to where Hodge and Kaelie were eating. I sat down quickly and ate silently, listening to their conversation.

"She always keeps you in editing, it's really unfair," Hodge was telling her.

"I know, and it's not what I love doing. I mean, I've always enjoyed being a photographer more, she just doesn't acknowledge that," Kaelie said, clearly a little pissed.

This got me thinking about hiring a photographer for Simon and Isi's wedding. Kaelie was nice enough, and a talented photographer, I'd seen some of her work.

"Hey, Kaelie," I said, "a friend of mine is getting married in a few months, would you be interested in being their photographer?"

Her eyes widened at this, "are you serious? Of course I would!" she exclaimed.

"Great," I said, smiling at her, "they only just got engaged, so they still need to sort out the details, but I'll let you know what's going on as it happens."

"Perfect. Thanks, Clary, I really needed this," she said, beaming at me.

"Don't mention it," I said, shrugging off her thanks. I pulled away from the table when I'd finished eating, leaving Kaelie in high spirits.

I got back to work, finding my familiar routine, but was interrupted by the buzzing of my phone. I fished it out of my pocket and noticed that it was an unknown number.

"Hello?" I said, wondering who was calling me.

"Clary, hey, it's Jace. Don't worry I'm not some delinquent trying to get a hold of you," he said with a sarcastic chuckle.

Jace was clearly remembering our last conversation on the phone. I couldn't help but laugh at the memory as well.

"That remains to be seen," I said ominously.

"Oh, I'm sure I'll be able to convince you otherwise in time," he said persuasively.

"Hmm," I hummed, not wanting to talk about what he just said, "so, why are you calling me?" I asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner or if you were free sometime this weekend to go over some wedding plans. I know everybody says they're willing to help, but something tells me plans will change and people will forget to do something important, and I don't want to stress Isi or Simon out more than they need to over this," Jace said.

He sounded…well, he sounded like me: willing to pick up the slack and wanting only the best for Simon and Isi. This caught me a little off guard. If anything, my initial perception of Jace told me he was a little conceited and a bit of a suck up. I may have to re-evaluate him.

"Clary? Are you there?" he asked, a little confused.

"Oh, yeah," I said, breaking out of my internal chatter, "that sounds good. This weekend is a little busy for me, but I can do dinner on Friday night if you're up for it."

"Sounds perfect," he said.

"Alright, I'll see you then," I said.

"Goodbye Clary," he said, hanging up the phone.

I programmed Jace's number into my phone before I set it down on my desk. Dinner with Jace would be nothing short of interesting, I'm sure. Something told me that he had an ulterior motive, but I shook that thought away as soon as it came on. I always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes I couldn't help myself in thinking that a person's intentions were less than honorable. Jace didn't seem like a bad guy, and I felt a little guilty because my initial perception of him was so negative. I decided to give him another chance to get into my good books. Hell, for all I knew, dinner with him would be fun!

I finished editing the rest of the photos and went home a little early. I managed to get home with a lot of time to make dinner for myself. I got a rather carried away and made an extravagant dinner that was far too much for just me. Needless to say, I would have a lot of leftovers for the next while. I ate quickly so that I would have enough time to paint. I had a really interesting idea in mind that would work really well with the theme I had planned for my next art show. All of the pieces I'd done lately revolved around the idea of nostalgia and returning to a past time. When I was at the wedding yesterday, I took one look at the flower girl and was lost in her beauty. I'm sure everyone has those bouts of nostalgia regularly, but this was something else. I really missed the feeling of innocence and freedom that came with being a child and wanted to capture that feeling in my next piece.

I knew that the best way to do this would require the right kind of music, so I flipped to my 90's playlist where my Brittney Spears, Spice Girls and the artists from my youth were. They set the mood nicely and provided a good starting point for the piece. I worked for hours and hours, I couldn't seem to stop, but this always happened when I painted. I had a tendency to lose myself in a project and forget that the world kept moving.

When I glanced at my clock, I noticed that it was midnight. I gasped and mentally cursed before packing up my supplies. I was on assignment tomorrow and desperately needed to sleep before the bags under my eyes extended their stay.

I changed quickly and hopped into bed, praying that I would be well rested come Friday night.

**So, no cliff hanger for this week, I felt a little bad for doing that in the last chapter. Anyways, please review and let me know what you think ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Only one review last chapter , oh well, I'm hoping that this chapter will get a little more love. Enjoy!**

Chapter 5:

Chapter song: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

The rest of the week flew by quickly, and before I knew it I was leaving work on Friday afternoon. I had been out on assignment for most of the day at another studio as a "rent a photographer". They needed somebody on rather short notice for a Gucci ad. I hadn't done a lot of modelling photo shoots, but I was experienced enough to know what I was doing. I turned out to be a rather long day, and come 5:30 I was exhausted. I had barely enough time to change into a t shirt and jeans before going over to Jace's place for dinner. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't wear something so casual, maybe I should dress up a bit. Would that make it seem like I was trying to gauge a reaction though? I shook my head and reminded myself that the purpose of this meal was strictly wedding based. Jace wouldn't care about what I was wearing, in fact, he probably wouldn't even notice.

I pulled on my deep green v-neck t-shirt and a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and swept my hair up into a messy bun before heading out the door. I quickly checked my phone for his address and headed over there. His place was only about seven blocks away, so I got there in only about ten minutes. The doorman let me in with a polite nod and I glanced around the lobby. Shit, this place was nice! Jace would have to be rich to afford an apartment like this!

I slid into the elevator just before the doors closed and gave myself a mental pep talk before heading to his door. _You will not let yourself be dazzled by this man, you will match him for every sarcastic comment he makes and you will NOT let him get the better of you!_ Clearly I was still a little shaken up by Jace's unnerving attitude from dinner earlier this week, though I still couldn't figure out why. I made my way through the hallway that led to Jace's condo. I double checked the number on the door with the one on my phone before knocking. A few seconds later, Jace opened the door.

I had to force my jaw not to drop at his appearance. He was dressed in tan dress pants and a black button up with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. This may sound stupid, but I always get completely turned on by forearms. When they are displayed well, my God, a person is instantly like ten times hotter. Some people are like that about British accents or a crooked smile, but to me, forearms were totally disarming.

I forced myself to not ogle him for any noticeable amount of time and trained my eyes on his. I smiled at him and he grinned back.

"Clary, I'm glad you could make it!" Jace said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, me too. I was worried for a second there that I would have to cancel on you," I admitted.

He looked at me quizzically. "Why?" he asked.

"Oh," I began, walking inside, "it was a long day. I was put on an assignment for a last minute thing that ended up running long."

"Oh, I trust everything went well?" he asked sincerely.

"Yeah, everything went pretty smoothly," I said.

I looked around his spacious condo and gasped. The space was large and inviting. It wasn't too modern, like most of the designs in architecture are today, it was homey and had a nice feel to it. It was also very well decorated, especially for a man who had moved in less than a week ago.

"This place is incredible!" I cried, taking everything in.

"I got pretty lucky with it," Jace said, showing me to his kitchen, "my mom picked out most of the furniture and hired people to unpack and arrange everything. Truth be told, I wouldn't know what to do with half of it."

"I like it," I said honestly.

Jace went over to a cupboard and pulled out some dishes. He served me a generous portion of what looked like lasagna and handed my plate to me.

"Did you make this yourself?" I asked curiously.

Jace smirked at me, "yes I did. Believe it or not, some men can actually cook," he said exasperatedly.

I laughed at him, "I'll believe it when I eat it," I said playfully.

He rolled his eyes at me and showed me to his dining room. I sat down across from Jace and took a bite of food. Damn, the boy was right, he can cook! I moaned appreciatively at the taste, it really was incredible. Jace shifted a little in his chair, and looked at me questioningly.

"Okay, I have to admit this is pretty good," I said, taking another large bite.

Jace laughed, "you should have never doubted my mad skills."

"Keep talking and I'll be sure never to compliment you again. I'd hate to stroke that over large ego of yours," I said sarcastically. Truth be told, I was quite sure I would end up stroking his ego more than I should…_and maybe other parts of him as well. _Ah, I was wondering where my inner pervert went. Apparently that side of me only came out to play when Jace was around.

Jace just looked at me, shaking his head in response. We both ate quickly, wanting to get down to work. As soon as we were finished, I cleared our plates and Jace fired up his computers.

"Okay," he said, as I sat down on the floor with a laptop of my own, "so I made a list of things we need to get done. It's a little long, but hopefully we'll look into everything at least a little bit."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, opening up the internet.

Together, Jace and I worked pretty well. We gathered information on five possible choices for each part of the wedding that needed to be planned.

"I just thought of the perfect venue!" I said loudly, remembering an area of Central Park that Simon frequented.

"Really?" he asked curiously, coming to sit down next to me on the floor.

"Yeah, it's this place that Simon loves down in Central Park. I think he'd really like to have the ceremony there. The tentative date is in October, so with a little luck, they should be able to have an outdoor wedding in the park," I said enthusiastically.

"That sounds perfect!" Jace said, suddenly gripping my knee, "will you add it to the list?"

I could barely think of a proper response. His hand touching my knee was inhibiting my speech. I looked over at him, it was clear that he knew exactly how this simple action had affected me. I knew I needed to get control of the situation, so I firmly took a hold of his hand and lifted it off my knee.

"I'll be sure to do that," I said with a sarcastic smile, daring him to talk about what just happened between us.

Jace looked at me, a little dumbfounded and returned back to the desk where he was looking into potential florists. I'll bet that just brought his ego down a notch or two! He may not be an arrogant asshole like I expected, but I knew he had a cocky side to his personality. We worked in relative silence after that, listening to music and getting everything organized. At around ten o'clock, we had everything figured out and decided to call it a night.

"So," Jace began, "we have everything crossed off our list and it looks like we should be able to get everything done relatively soon as long as everybody helps out a little bit."

I nodded in agreement, "yup, seems like it. We should probably come up with a game plan with everybody else soon so that we can actually start booking things."

"I agree," Jace said.

We both stood up and stretched a little. Jace walked me to his front door and, as I was leaving, I noticed he was walking out with me.

"You aren't going to walk me home again, are you?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course I am," he told me as though speaking to someone much younger, "chivalry is not dead where I am concerned."

"If you say so," I said with a sigh.

"I do," Jace whispered quietly.

We walked towards the elevator and stood side by side awkwardly as we made our way down to the lobby. Jace gestured for me to exit and followed close on my heels. He nodded at the doorman before opening the front door for me. He was being a gentleman, true to his word. We walked through the bustling streets of New York in amiable silence until we reached my apartment complex.

I turned around to face him, "well, this was fun!" I said.

"Yes, you're not awful company," he said, laughing.

"Oh, I'm wonderful and you know it!" I said assertively.

"If you say so," he replied, "so, what are you up to this weekend that made you too busy to spend time with me?"

I rolled my eyes at him dramatically before saying "I have some paintings to finish, and I volunteer at the hospital."

This surprised him. "Really?" he asked curiously, "what do you do there?"

"I work with kids in the paediatric ward. I do some art classes with them for a few hours on Sundays," I said.

"Wow, what got you into that?" he asked, sitting down on my front steps and patting the empty space next to him.

I sat down quickly and took a deep breath. "I had a younger brother, Jonathon," I began slowly. This story was always so hard for me to tell, "when he was five, he was diagnosed with leukemia. I would spend as much time as possible in the hospital by his side whenever he needed somebody. While I was there, I noticed how many people didn't have anybody there for them, and my heart went out to them. Jonathon died about six months later, and though it was hard for me to go back to the hospital after that, I felt like I needed to. I know that Jonathon died in peace, but I didn't know about those other kids. They didn't have anybody there with them and I wanted to be there for them. So, when I turned fourteen, I started volunteering and have done so ever since."

By this point, I was almost in tears. I didn't talk about Jonathon very often, and when I did, I only ever discussed it with people I trusted, which didn't explain why I told Jace so much. Jace rubbed my back soothingly and said "I'm so sorry Clary."

He didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to. Somehow, Jace conveyed everything in that simple sentence. I felt safe with him, yet, this scared me. I wiped away my tears and stood up quickly.

"It's, um, getting late," I said in a rush, "I'll see you later."

Jace nodded, knowing that I needed to be alone for a little while. I turned around without another word and raced up the stairs to my apartment. I was a mess, I hadn't thought about Jonathon in a long time and dredging up those memories caused me a lot of pain. All I could think about doing was painting. I wasn't yearning for my brother when he was sick, but I desperately wanted to return to a time when he was alive. He was the perfect little brother, he didn't get on my nerves a lot, and he always played with me while growing up. He was so patient and kind and the universe ripped him away from me.

I set up a blank canvas while bawling my eyes out and set to work. I couldn't stop the flow of tears from contaminating my paints, and truth be told, I didn't care. I just needed to get all my feelings on the canvas. Some people go for runs, some talk it out, and I paint it out.

I painted until I felt my eyes droop. It must have been really early in the morning, because I caught a glimpse of the sunrise. I checked the time lazily on my phone and noticed I had missed a lot. Wow, I must have been really in the zone to not notice seven missed calls and ten new texts. Isi and Simon had both called and texted, asking about meeting for dinner on Tuesday which I replied to quickly to confirm. And the other five missed calls and eight texts were from…Jace. I listened to a couple of the messages and read his texts, it was clear that he was extremely stressed and was apologizing like a maniac for upsetting me. I put my phone down, running my hands through my wild hair. I didn't know how to respond to Jace, so I decided to grab a few hours of sleep instead before I got to work.

I glanced at the painting I had been working on for most of the night and gasped. I had painted Jonathon, not while he was sick, but when he was healthy. I recalled the moment he looked that happy: it was his birthday, he was turning four and he'd opened a present from me containing a toy fire truck. It was something he'd wanted for a long time, but mom refused to buy it for him. I saved up my allowance for weeks before I finally had enough to buy it. I could never forget the look of delight on his face when he opened it, it was worth saving all that money just to see his face light up like that.

I wiped away a tear that was forming in the corner of my eye and slipped into bed without a second thought, hoping for a few hours of decent sleep.

I spent the rest of Saturday in my own little world, just painting for the most part. I didn't talk to anybody and I didn't leave my stuffy little apartment, but that's the way I wanted to spend the day. I responded to Jace at around noon, quickly assuring him that I was fine.

Painting had always been a great emotional outlet for me, but right now, all I wanted to do was head over to the hospital. When the clock struck twelve on Sunday, I packed up some supplies and headed over. I made my way over to the paediatric ward where all the kids were waiting for me to arrive. It was quite a sight. There were some kids who looked perfectly healthy and others who looked like they'd been through the ringer. All of them were severely ill with a low chance of survival, but kids were resilient, and had a tendency to beat the odds.

"Hey guys!" I said excitedly as I pulled out my supplies, "are you ready for some painting? We're going to work with some water colours today."

The kids grinned excitedly, you could practically feel them vibrating with excitement. I set up groups of four at various tables and showed them all the basics of how to work with the paint. They got the hang of it pretty quickly, and before I knew it, they were ready to be on their own. I walked around to make sure everybody was doing okay, but came across a little girl who was having some difficulty. I sighed in sympathy. The girl, Tessa, had a neurodegenerative disease. This caused her to lose control over her limbs. She was having difficulty gripping the paint brush properly, so I crouched down to help her.

"Here you go," I said as I placed the paint brush in her palm.

"Thank you Miss Clary," she said, grinning widely at me.

My heart clenched as I looked at her. Her disease was extremely rare, and as a result, she would likely not live past the age of ten or eleven.

"What are you painting girly?" I asked her.

"It's a horsie," she said excitedly, "I love them. They're so pretty!"

"It looks beautiful!" I told her sincerely.

"Thank you Miss Clary," she said before returning to her painting.

I continued walking around the little room. There were only about twelve kids here today, some I had seen for a few years now, others who I had only known for a few weeks. I stayed for a couple of hours, doing a few activities with the kids until it was time for them to nap. They all thanked me for coming and hugged me on their way out. I told them I would see them all next week and packed up my supplies. I walked toward the main entrance to the hospital and hopped on the subway.

It was only around three in the afternoon, so I decided to pay a visit to my mother. I pulled out my key as soon as I reached her place and headed inside. I saw Luke, my mother's husband sitting on the couch, reading a book.

"Clary?" he said, looking at me as I entered, "what's up?"

"Not much, I just got back from the hospital and thought I'd say hello," I said, setting my bag down and heading into the living room.

"You look a little tired," he pointed out.

"Yeah," I agreed, "I didn't sleep too well last night."

He looked at me with concern. Luke probably suspected something was wrong. He was always very good at reading my moods. He and my mother have been married for almost ten years now. She's known Luke since high school, but had been dating my father, Valentine, at that time. After they'd gotten a divorce, Luke was there to pick up the broken pieces of her heart. Somewhere along the way, they fell in love and got married. I never had a problem with it, given that Luke was more of a father than Valentine ever was.

"Clary, are you okay?" he asked quietly, trying not to spook me. Luke knew of my tendency to shy away from anything emotional.

"Yeah," I said honestly, "I've just had a rough couple of days, that's all."

"You know that if you ever need to talk to someone that I'm here," he stated boldly.

I nodded in acknowledgement. He seemed appeased for now. "Your mother is out," he said, putting his book down on the coffee table, "she should be back in a few minutes though. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Yeah," I said with a shrug, "it's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Sure has, kid," he said gruffly, "I've missed you."

I couldn't help but feel a little bad for my infrequent visits. "I've missed you too, Luke," I confessed.

"Do you want to help me get started on some food? I want to make something nice for tonight," he said, getting up from the couch.

"Sounds good," I said, following him into the kitchen.

We cooked in relative silence, both focusing on our individual tasks. When my mother got home, she joined us and started on a simple chocolate cake for dessert, my favourite. I didn't realize how much I missed being home until I was there, surrounded by my family. It was nice to just talk about what we'd been up to for a few hours. I headed home after promising to visit sometime next week at both Luke and my mother's insistence.

I made my way home and plopped myself on the couch. I couldn't bring myself to paint anymore, I was too tired. Instead, I put my supplies away and turned on a movie. I was in the mood for something long, so I watched the first movie in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I sighed when Aragorn made his first appearance. He was they perfect guy, I mean he was handsome, smart, a good fighter, a king… what more could a girl want? _Jace, we want Jace!_ My inner perv said. Jace was a pretty good guy too, I mean, he was also smart and handsome, but he was also infuriatingly cocky at times, but his loyalty and genuine benevolence made up for it. Ever since we had dinner on Friday, I've been thinking about him a lot. The way he thinks and moves is so foreign to me and I have no idea why. What is more: it should make me feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't, it makes me feel…safe. His incessant sarcasm also challenges me intellectually which is hard to find in most people.

I shook my head roughly, reminding myself that I still didn't know Jace well enough to think like this. I mean, I'd met him last week. I just needed to get my head on straight, that's all. And hopefully the next time I saw him, I would be able to form a coherent sentence. Hell, if I was lucky, I would come up with some witty remark.

I laughed to myself. I was actually thinking about a boy. I never did this. It's not like I've never had romantic interests, I've just never thought about the subject of my affection this much.

When the movie finished, I headed to bed. I didn't want to look like the walking dead for another minute, so I decided that a nice long sleep was exactly what the doctor ordered.

**So that was a little depressing, sorry . I felt that it was necessary though, because I wanted to justify a charitable side of Clary with something really meaningful. I hope you liked it nonetheless. Now if you REALLY liked it, go on and press the little blue button. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, sorry this isn't a real chapter . I'm just letting you know that I won't be able to update for a little while. I work at a camp where the Wi Fi is questionable and I don't even know if I have access to it. I will have a two day period in July where I will update if possible (and knowing me, I WILL try my best), but please don't abandon this story because of this! I promise that as soon as I get back, I will update as much as I can once more!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! I'm back from the bush (quite literally). Spent the ENTIRE summer taking little kids out on canoe trips. It was such a great job, and taught me a lot. Now that I'm back, I'm focusing much more time on my writing! So here's the next chapter, enjoy **

Chapter 6:

Chapter Song: Old Friend by Angus and Julia Stone

Monday was exceptionally ordinary, but I used that day to print all mine and Jace's research for the wedding. Come Tuesday, I was ready for dinner and hopefully everyone would share the load and we could get everything done. When I got home from work, I got dressed quickly in a red blouse and dark wash jeans. I grabbed my folder of printed research and headed out the door to Simon and Isi's apartment.

I knocked on the door sharply and Isi answered it.

"Clary!" she said excitedly, giving me a hug, "it's great to see you."

"You too Isi, I have something for you," I told her, gesturing towards the folder wedged between my arm and chest.

"A bunch of files? Gee, how thoughtful," Isi said sarcastically.

I scowled at her before explaining what the folder contained.

"That's funny," she said with a confused expression, "Jace did the exact same thing."

"Yeah…we kind of did it together," I said casually.

Isi quirked an eyebrow at this, "Oh really?" she asked curiously, folding her arms over her chest, "when did you do this?"

"We had dinner together on Friday and did some research together. We just knew that everybody would get busy, so we did a lot to give everybody a head start," I said with a shrug. It really wasn't a big deal. I mean, it was part of our duties as groomsmen to do this.

"Sure," Isi said, dragging out the word as she shut the door behind me. She probably thought there was something going on between the two of us, only Isi.

I responded with an eye roll. I headed into the dining room past Isabelle and was greeted by Simon, Alec, Magnus and Jace. They all said a quick hello and handed me a plate full of food. Apparently Simon had given up on cooking, so he ordered Chinese food, much to Magnus's dismay.

"Simon," Magnus began with a flourish of his chopsticks, "I would _actually_ prefer your cooking over this pile of mush."

Simon figured it was best not to respond, given Magnus' tendency to rant and got right down to business. "So," Simon began, "Jace told me you guys did all the research for the wedding."

"Yup," I responded between bites of food. Magnus may not be a fan of Chinese, but I like my lemon chicken.

"Thanks, Clary. That helps us out a lot!" Simon exclaimed, grasping my hand briefly.

"Thank Jace too," I said, gesturing towards him with my chopsticks.

Jace looked at me with concern. I suppose I never did call him back, but he shouldn't have been so persistent. I mean, we were in that stage of our friendship where you didn't call the other person eight times in a night. I still didn't know how to respond to that.

"Yeah," Simon said in agreement, not noticing the intense staring contest Jace and I were having, "thanks a ton man."

"It was my pleasure," Jace said, looking away from me to grin at Simon.

We ate quickly before we dove into the research, there was a lot to look through. After an hour, somehow we managed to delegate roles for everyone and come up with a timeline.

"Alright," Isi said, writing everything down on a sheet of paper, "so Alec and Magnus are going to look into venues and florists, Simon and I are going to look into honeymoon options, wedding cakes and ministers, and Clary and Jace are going to check out a band and invitations. Does that sound good?"

We all agreed. Now that everything was organized it all seemed almost doable, but I still had the feeling that something would go wrong.

"Thank you so so much for doing this," Simon said, looking at me and Jace.

"Don't worry about it," I said, shrugging him off.

The rest of the night was spent talking, laughing and drinking. I was having a lot of fun, but I knew I needed to get home because I was on another assignment tomorrow.

"Well," I began, "this has been a lot of fun, but I really need to get going."

"As do I," Jace said, standing up. I expected this from Jace, he either wanted to talk about what happened or make sure I got home safe…or both. The man was truly a mystery, I rarely met anybody who faced things head on the way he always did.

Everyone else said their farewells as Jace and I made our way to the door. He opened it for me and gestured for me to go first.

"Thanks," I said quietly. He nodded his head in acknowledgement.

We walked in silence for the most part, but it was rather tense, I figured it was because he was still a little worried about how our last walk went.

"So," Jace began confidently, "you never called me back."

I stared at him for a second. "You certainly don't like to beat around the bush," I pointed out, still avoiding his statement.

"Damn right," he said with an exhasperated chuckle, "will you answer my question?"

"It wasn't a question," I said, not looking at him as we both exited the building and began the walk to my apartment.

"Clary," he said warningly.

"Fine," I responded, glancing his way briefly to find his tawny eyes fixed on me, "I needed some space. And, uh, calling eight times in one night was a bit excessive. You're running up my phone bill mister."

He laughed at that, "Sorry. I realize that my actions can be a little…much, but my intentions were good. I hope you know that."

"I do," I said with a sigh, "you didn't have to do that though."

He looked at me curiously. "Do what?" he asked.

"Check up on me," I said, as though pointing out the obvious, "I'm perfectly capable at handling myself."

Of course, I had to trip on a deep crack in the sidewalk at this very moment. I braced myself for the fall, but it never came. Jace caught me by the wrist and lifted me back up on my feet. He quirked an eyebrow at me and looked like he was about to laugh.

"My klutziness aside, I am _perfectly_ capable at looking after myself," I said, looking at him from the corner of my eye.

"Oh yeah," he said, clearly not very convinced.

Jace didn't talk about it anymore though. We walked in harmonious silence back to my apartment. I walked up the steps and turned around to say goodnight to find Jace very close to me. God, he smelled good.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, a little nervously. He looked deeply into my eyes, as though he was searching for something.

"You're different, Clary Fray." he said with a bit of a smile.

I snorted slightly at this, "no shit Sherlock," I said sarcastically.

Jace lifted his hand to my face and brushed back a stray lock of hair, tucking it behind my ear. My breath hitched slightly as I looked back at him.

"One of these days, I'm going to figure you out," he said, taking a step back.

I regained my composure quickly and replied, "well, you let me know when you manage that."

Jace walked back down to the street. "You'll be the first," he said, "goodnight, Clary."

I watched him retreat down the street before letting myself into my apartment. Immediately after I got changed, I hopped on my computer and did something that I swore I would never do, I Googled Jace Herondale.

**I know it isn't very long, but I needed to ease myself back into writing a little. Let me know what you thought **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! The story surpassed 4,000 hits with the last chapter! Thanks so much for your continued support of this story, it means more to me than you could imagine. Anyways, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**

Chapter 7:

Chapter Song: Emmylou by First Aid Kit

I was a little ashamed at myself. Only three days ago, I tried to learn more about Jace and didn't turn up anything that I hadn't already heard. I didn't understand the man one bit and it was starting to get to me a little. I wasn't used to letting new people into my life, and given the fact that I'd been spending so much time with him, I was becoming a little nervous.

I was supposed to meet Simon for lunch today since we both realized that we hadn't been able to spend much time together. And though I knew it would arouse his suspicion, I thought it was necessary to ask him about Jace once more. I hoped that he wouldn't react the way Isi would, she would probably interrogate me about my feelings for him or something and then proceed to try and set us up. Isi used to do that sort of thing all the time, until Raphael. That entire relationship was a six month ordeal that I couldn't bear to think about and caused me enough pain to turn me off dating for a while.

_Don't let your mind go there, Clary_ I told myself harshly. I steered my thoughts back to lunch and realized that I would have to leave the office now if I was going to meet Simon in time. I hopped out of my chair quickly and grabbed my purse before I left the building. It was a short walk, but it felt like an eternity somehow. _Calm your damn nerves_ I told myself.

"Clary!" Simon said excitedly when I turned the corner. He looked a little frazzled. His dark hair was a mess and his glasses were sitting slightly crookedly on his nose.

"Simon!" I cried when I saw him. I gave him a brief hug before asking, "so, where are we going to eat. I'm starving!"

My stomach let out a loud grumble at this and made Simon laugh, instantly lighting up his features. "Clary, you've got the weirdest eating habits," he said, still chuckling, "I was thinking we could go for some sushi, like old times."

I grinned at him. Ever since we were little, Simon and I would go out for sushi at least once a week. When our lives became busier with school we let the tradition die a little, but I was glad to see he hadn't forgotten.

"Sounds great!" I exclaimed. He held out his arm and I took it graciously.

It only took a couple of minutes to walk there, but during that time, my nerves had returned, and I was wondering how I would ask Simon to tell me about Jace.

"Clary," Simon said, looking at me quizzically, "what's up with you. You're a bundle of nerves right now."

As soon as we were seated, I took a few gulps of my water, avoiding his comment.

"Clary," he said slowly, "stop being stubborn with me. Just tell me what's up."

"Okay," I replied quietly, still fidgeting and refusing to meet his gaze, "please don't take this the wrong way, but I was wondering if you could tell me more about Jace."

Simon looked beyond confused at this request. "Why?" he asked suddenly and sitting up straighter in his chair, "has he hurt you?"

"Of course not, why would you think that?" I asked him, quirking my eyebrow a little.

Simon sighed. "Jace," he began, running his fingers through his already untidy hair, "is a little complicated."

He certainly had my attention now. "Can you elaborate?" I asked.

"He doesn't have the best track record for treating people – mostly women very well. I already told you that he was a bit of a player in college, and he really has changed, but what else could have happened? And why do you want me to tell you about him?" He asked, getting back to the point.

"I just don't know him very well," I said slowly, knowing this was a poor excuse.

"If that was the real reason, you would be asking him about this, now wouldn't you?" he asked me pointedly. Damn his logic.

"Yeah…but," I began hesitantly, fiddling with the straw in my water glass, "Simon, you know how I am around new people."

"Yeah," he said, his tone suggesting he was disappointed, "I guess I do. You do know that one of these days you're going to have to get over that, right? There are some people in this world who want to make your life fuller rather than take away from it."

I sighed deeply. This wasn't the first time Simon had given me the "open up to people" speech. He understood why I was so closed off to a lot of people, but that didn't mean he liked it.

"I know," I said, slowly meeting his sympathetic gaze, "but for right now, could you just give me something."

Simon looked at me for a full ten seconds before replying. "No," he said sternly.

I was about to respond heatedly when a waitress came by to take our orders. When she left, I said, "What do you mean?"

"Clary, it's time you got over this irrational fear of getting hurt. You need to start living your life more. You can start by trying to find a friend in Jace," he said. My stubbornness often made him very frustrated, especially when I got my way.

"You're unbelievable," I said, a little loudly. I blushed as people began to stare.

Simon put his hand over mine, trying to calm me down. "No, I'm not," he said forcefully, "I've watched you act as though you're fine with living life almost completely alone, but I won't let you do that anymore. Clary, we're best friends and I know things have been a little hectic between the two of us for a while, but I'm not going to let our busy lives get in the way of me trying to be your best friend anymore. You should be able to count on me and listen to me when I give you advice. Well, that's what I'm doing right now, and I really want you to listen."

That just about stunned me into silence. Simon was never the touchy feely type. For him to give me a lecture about how I'm socially doomed must mean that my behaviour was pretty bad.

"Fine," I relented, grasping his hand for support, "I'll talk to him."

"Good," he shot back at me, "so, there's karaoke night at a bar close to my place, do you want to go?"

Suddenly we were back to the regular old Simon and Clary for which I was extremely grateful. We made plans to hang out in a couple of days, given that we were both busy this weekend. We said our goodbyes as soon as we were done eating and I headed back to work. I was unsure about my commitment to Simon regarding Jace and my social life, but Simon wouldn't have asked me to do this unless he thought I really needed to make a change.

It was five o'clock, and I was utterly exhausted. I had just finished editing and printing copies of pictures from my latest assignment and was about to drop them off in Aline's mailbox when my phone rang. I dumped the files into the bin a little haphazardly and dug in my purse to find my phone.

"Hello?" I said, a little out of breath.

"Hey Clary, it's Jace," he said, "did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No, not at all. What's up?" I asked as I walked out of the building.

He didn't respond, instead, he walked up to me, his phone in his hand. He must have just come from the office; he was still wearing a suit and his hair was combed away from his face. He looked…like a lawyer, but still incredibly handsome.

"What, are you stalking me?" I asked suddenly. Shit, that was probably really rude, and I'm supposed to be working on defrosting my inner ice queen too.

"Not at all," he said with a chuckle, "I just assumed you would be here, you seem to spend a lot of time at work."

I chose to ignore that comment and asked, "so, what are you doing here?"

He took a couple of steps towards me and stroked his jaw, it should be illegal for him to do that.

"I was wondering if you were available next week on Saturday," he said casually.

"You're a keener," I pointed out matter of factly. _Control yourself!_ I shouted to my socially inept brain.

"Hardly," he scoffed, looking slightly affronted, "I'm asking because it's our job to find a good band to play at Simon and Isi's wedding and there's a show that night. I need to order tickets, so I figured I should probably ask if you were free first."

Well that was hardly what I was expecting, not that I ever really knew what to expect when it came to this man. "I should be," I said, feeling a little sorry about jumping to conclusions.

"Great," he said, flashing a million dollar smile at me, though it seemed a little forced. He really should be a model or something.

"Cool beans," I replied, turning around to make my way home without really saying goodbye.

"Cool beans? Are we in stuck in 1985?" he asked sarcastically while he caught up to me in a few strides.

I stopped walking and turned around to face him, "hardly, I'm just weird like that, better get used to it," I said firmly, daring him to challenge my weirdness.

He looked in my eyes and whispered, "I think I can do that."

I stared at him for a couple of seconds, not wanting to ruin the moment. I felt like he was trying to tell me something in that sentence, but I was honestly clueless. When I began to feel uncomfortable with his intense staring, I broke eye contact, coughed and turned away. I continued walking and, once again, he caught up to me.

"So I'm pretty convinced that you aren't stalking me, but following me home every night is a little excessive," I said playfully, walking in front of him.

"I don't let women walk home alone," he said simply.

"Why not?" I asked, honestly curious.

"Let me buy you a coffee and we can talk about it," he said nonchalantly.

This was my chance. This is exactly what Simon would want me to do: sit with him, talk, open up, maybe even share something personal. The idea was strangely tempting, and to be honest, my heart was at war with my brain. In this moment, I could clearly see how starved for social contact I was. My brain, on the other hand, still couldn't forget how betrayed I could feel at the hands of others: my father, Raphael, a whole string of ex-friends and ex-boyfriends…but this was Jace, a friend of Simon's, someone I could trust. But did I want to? Could I take that risk?

I had apparently been silent for longer than I thought while contemplating my options because Jace suddenly adopted a rejected expression and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, forget it."

"No," I said quickly, lord knows why I did, "That sounds, um, nice?"

"Really?" he asked exasperatedly, not believing my lame acceptance.

"Uh, yeah," I said, still a little unsure.

Jace took a step towards me, running a hand through his tamed tawny locks, he was clearly frustrated with me. "Look Clary, I'm not the creep that you seem to have me pegged as. I'm asking you to coffee so that we can get to know each other. I like to think that I can read people pretty well, hell, it's my job to do that. I can tell that you've been hurt in the past, but I have no intention of hurting you. I'm not the most open person in the world, so I understand how you feel, I don't know what else I can do to make you see that," he said sternly.

He was right. He had been nothing but kind to me, I was just too clouded by past experiences to see that he only meant well. Maybe it was time for me to take a chance. And if Jace was taking the time to prove this, maybe I could give him a chance.

I shifted my weight between my feet and finally whispered "Okay."

"Okay?" he asked, shocked that I agreed to sit down and have an actual conversation with him.

"Yes, let's go," I said firmly, nodding my head, "but if you're taking me to Starbucks, I will never forgive you."

He looked puzzled by this, "why?"

"Because it's unoriginal," I said simply.

He looked at me as though he'd never seen me before and nodded his head. "Well," he said with a smirk, "it's a good thing I know a thing or two about being original."

He held out his arm for me to take, and I did, though with slight hesitation. We walked through SoHo and into a cute little café next to an art gallery that I frequented. We sat down as a waitress handed us two menus.

"So," Jace began as he opened his menu, "are you hungry for dinner?"

"I thought this was just supposed to be coffee?" I said questioningly, "did you lure me here under false pretences Mr. Lawyer?"

"Not at all," he said with a shrug and a grin, clearly amused by my antics, "this place just happens to have the best food I've tasted in a while, and to be honest, I want to talk to you longer than it takes to drink a cup of coffee."

"I appreciate the honesty," I admitted, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, "So what do you recommend?"

**Bit of a cliffy, sorry about that, but it was too hard to resist. Anyways, let me know what you think. I always love to read reviews **


	9. Chapter 9

**Glad to see I still have some readers still following the story! This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but talks a lot about Jace's character. Hope you enjoy it!**

Chapter 8:

Chapter Song: Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

_Copy, paste, click, drag_…work was becoming a mind numbing experience for me. When I edited photos and perfected the little things in an image to make it a true work of art, I did it on instinct and let my thoughts run wild. On any normal day, I would usually spend this time thinking about how I would spend my time with the kids at the hospital that coming weekend, or the book I was reading at the time, or if I was really bored I would plan my budget. Ever since Friday night with Jace, my thoughts had been completely taken over by him.

Our time together on Friday was…nice. I had a lot of fun, more fun than I'd had in a long time, which made me realize just how much I had been abstaining from social contact. We ate and talked for hours about everything: our favourite books, memories from our childhood, pet peeves, plans for the future and so much more. It was effortless. To talk with Jace, though I had only known him for a short time was as natural as talking with Simon or my mother. After that night, I realized how many layers there were to Jace and how determined I was to understand each one. There were some things that he wouldn't talk about, and I could see the pain in his eyes and a shift in his demeanour when I brought them up, but there were other things that would make him extremely animated, revealing a passion inside him rare to only a few people I'd ever met. When I asked him to tell me about being a lawyer, he instantly grew a little tense but nevertheless explained why he loved what he did: "when I was younger, there wasn't always somebody looking out for me or my well being. People were breaking the law to hurt me and those I loved, it made me sick. I knew that one day I would work to fight against people who did the exact same thing. No one should have to live in fear like that". His answer unsettled me. I knew that it would be wrong to ask him to elaborate, so I didn't and instead drew the conversation to lighter topics.

After that night, I'd learned a lot, but I was still curious. There was something about Jace that drew me to him like a moth to a flame. Jace truly was like fire: it's quite clear that he has a past that he isn't ready to share full of danger and hurt and pain, but there's also something beautiful about him no doubt born from the way he overcame adversity in his life in so many instances. He fascinated me before I got to know him and if anything, I was even more drawn to him.

"Fray!" a voice barked behind me.

My head whipped around and my eyes found Aline's disgruntled figure walking towards me. "What's going on?" I asked curiously.

She dropped a file folder on my desk, "I need you to cover the Morgenstern wedding, Meliorn called in sick this morning."

"Alright," I said with a sigh. I turned off my computer and quickly rifled through the file Aline handed me, "when is it?"

"It starts in a couple of hours," she said, beginning to walk away.

I panicked, "A couple of hours?!" I shrieked, "Aline, I can't go to a wedding in these clothes, I need time to get ready." Showing up to a wedding in jeans and a plain white T-shirt was definitely not appropriate.

She smirked at me, "well, as luck would have it, I have a dress in my office and we're about the same size."

She walked out of the room, gesturing for me to follow her. We made our way into her office that was just down the hall. She opened her armoire and pulled out a gorgeous peach coloured strapless dress.

Aline handed it to me. "This," she said slowly, "is Vera Wang, do you know what that means."

I snorted derisively at Aline, "I may be slightly fashion challenged, but I'm not stupid," I said exasperatedly.

She gave me a tight smile before handing me the dress and fishing out a pair of nude pumps. "Just don't get it dirty," she said tightly.

I left her office and changed quickly in the bathroom before grabbing my equipment and hopping in a cab. The wedding was held in an enormous banquet hall in the heart of Manhattan. You would definitely need some serious cash to afford this place.

I stepped out of the cab quickly and walked swiftly into the building to be greeted by a wedding planner. You could always tell who the wedding planners were, they always that the head sets, power suits, tight ballerina buns and constant cool demeanour.

"You're the new photographer?" she asked quickly.

I nodded in response. "Yes," I said.

She gave me a quick once over and pursed her lips slightly. "I hope you know what you're doing," she said a little condescendingly.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't the best," I shot at her.

"We'll see," she said before walking away.

I rolled my eyes at her before I got to work. I knew the drill for weddings like the back of my hand, this one would be a piece of cake.

At around nine, I was officially off duty for which I was eternally grateful. My heels, well, Aline's heels were killing me and I was absolutely exhausted. I hopped in a cab and headed straight to the office, desperate to ditch the dress and heels for some comfortable jeans and converse. I ran into my tiny office and changed quickly making sure to carefully put the dress back on the hanger. I left my equipment locked up and headed out for the night, desperate for some much needed quiet time.

I walked swiftly down the busy streets of New York until I reached my building. I slowly made my way up the stairs, let myself in and promptly collapsed on my couch. The food at the reception was delicious, so I was contently full and just in the mood to watch a couple of episodes of Suits before I crashed. I found the latest episode and settled in to watch when my phone buzzed impatiently. It was a text…from Jace: **Got tickets for tomorrow, I'll come get you at 6. Goodnight . **I sighed deeply. I really needed to find a way to get him out of my thoughts. I turned my attention to the television and stayed up for only one episode before drifting off to sleep.

**So there's chapter eight for ya! Hope you guys enjoyed that. I know it wasn't terribly long or anything, but I'll try to make up for it in the next chapter. And btw, I just started university, so updates may be a little slow for the next few weeks since I'm busy with frosh events. Thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I know it's been a while since my last update, my apologies. I'm just finishing up my first week of university (YAY!) and found it difficult to update in that time. I'm not sure how my workload will change throughout the next few weeks, so my updates may be a little staggered, but I'm going to do my best to upload new chapters every couple of weeks at least. Anyways, here's number 9! Enjoy.**

Chapter 9:

Chapter Song: Be Still by The Fray

_Okay_ I told myself, _I have thirty minutes to make myself look like a human being._ It had been a long day at work and I got home at around six o'clock, Jace would be coming to pick me up at 6:30. I've never been the kind of girl that needs two hours to slather a layer of cakey make up on my face, but I still needed time to look presentable.

I rushed to my closet and fished out my go-to little black dress, every girl has at least one. It had spaghetti straps and fell just above my knees. I also fished out a pair of simple black heels before starting on my make up. I didn't want to look like a vampire queen, so I just popped on some simple black eyeliner and mascara before I slipped on my dress.

Jace showed up at 6:30 on the dot. I headed towards the door slowly. I fully bought in to the fact that girls who waited impatiently for their dates by the door had absolutely no control…not that this was a date or anything, in fact, if anything it was all business. We needed to accomplish something for tonight.

I opened the door to let him in and was slightly stunned by his appearance. Jace was wearing a black button up, rolled up to his elbows and black jeans. He should _never _be allowed to wear anything else…except maybe a suit, or nothing at all, damn, wouldn't _that _be a sight to see. I shook my head a little to regain my composue and said, "hi Jace." It was the best I could do, having a gorgeous man at my front door was a little unheard of.

Jace gave me a once over before cracking a grin and replying, "hello Clary, you look beautiful."

"Uh, thanks," I responded shyly, looking down at my feet. Yeah, I also wasn't great at accepting compliments.

"You ready to go?" He asked, smiling down at me.

I nodded before turning around to lock my door. My hands were shaking as I attempted to put the key in the lock. I must not have filled my daily quota of caffeine or something. I felt two arms wrap around me, firmly grabbing my wrists. I could sense Jace's breath on my ear as he whispered, "allow me."

I took a deep breath. Jace was definitely trying to intimidate me, that had to be it. Nobody was ever so forward when they wanted to help somebody out right? Yeah, that's definitely the only explanation. I could practically see his grin dancing behind my eyelids. I couldn't let him think he had that much control over me. Though it took a fair bit of effort, I tore my attention away from his alluring features and firmly grasped the key, turned it in the lock and released myself from his gentle grasp.

"Don't worry about it," I said smugly as I pranced toward the elevator.

Jace looked at me, his mixture held a hint of disbelief but mostly humour. He shook his head in wonder before following me. We made our way to the venue talking nonchalantly about how our past weeks had been. Jace had a particularly grueilling one involving a case about a little boy who was being abused by his father.

"His mother is trying for sole custody, but her case isn't looking great. She's a perfectly able parent but her ex-husband is a sly corporate douche bag who unfortunately knows how to work the system," Jace explained solemnly and with an air of frustration.

I could see that this topic of discussion was taking a toll on him. We'd talked a bit about what Jace did when we got to know each other last week, and he'd been pretty neutral when talking about the various cases he dealt with, but there was something about this one that seemed to hit home for him, and I was scared to find out the truth.

"We don't have to talk about this if it makes you uncomfortable," I told him honestly. I almost hoped he would take my subtle hint.

"True," he remarked, turning to look at me, "why don't we focus on the positives in life, it's the weekend after all. There's so much to look forward to. Do you have any plans?"

"Oh yeah," I said sarcastically, sniggering at him, "I have a date with the usual."

This news seemed to stun Jace. He stopped walking and I didn't notice for a few steps. I turned to look at him, quirking an eyebrow in concern. "Is something wrong?" I asked curiously.

"No," he said, a little gruffly, before he continued to walk along side me. "So who's the lucky bastard?"

I laughed. If I didn't know any better, I would say Jace was a little jealous. We've only known each other for a few weeks, but if I had to guess, I would say Jace was a little jealous. "His name is work. He is the main focus of my life right now and pays my bills so I'm trying to keep him around."

Jace looked at me, confused for a second before it clicked. "Oh," he said exasperatedly, "very funny Clary."

"So I've been told," I said, rolling my eyes.

We walked for a few more minutes before Jace gestured to a club that I'd passed by a few times before during my explorations of New York.

"Pandemonium?" I asked, a little sceptical.

"It's a great place," he said as we walked inside, "they have live music every week. Mostly local bands, but they're all pretty good. I get newsletters from them every week saying who's performing."

We stepped inside and took a seat at one of the few empty tables. An overwhelmed waitress quickly shoved two menus in our hands before hurrying off to her other tables.

"So," I said as I opened my menu, "who's playing tonight?"

"A woman. Her name is Lilith, I think," he said, furrowing his eyebrows while he tried to think of the artist.

"Interesting name," I pointed out, "do you know what kind of music she performs?"

"Jazz, I think," he replied simply before closing his menu.

The flustered waitress came over to take our orders hurriedly before rushing off once more, no doubt to attend to another table.

I took a good look at Jace while his eyes roamed around the room. Even though he was a pretty good-looking person, he seemed a little tired and worse for wear. I could see bags forming underneath his golden eyes and his shoulders seemed to sag a little.

"Clary?" he asked, catching my attention.

"Hmm?" I hummed in question, grabbing my water glass to distract myself from his penetrating gaze.

"Why were you staring at me like I'm a difficult physics problem?" he asked mockingly.

Damn, he caught me staring.

"Dunno what you're talking about," I said confidently, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

He just stared at me in response to my denial, waiting for my reply. I rolled my eyes before saying, "I just noticed you looked a little tired, that's all."

His shoulders sagged even more at this. He grabbed at his hair with both hands and took a deep breath before speaking. "I don't usually let myself get affected with cases," he began with a deep breath, "I usually only get involved with clients on a professional level, but this time it feels personal. I grew up in a similar situation to this kid and seeing his life put in jeopardy makes me want to scream. It makes me want to fight the bastards ten times harder than I can. It makes me feel like I can't win. And if I can't win, I have to ask myself if it's worth it to put myself through this. It's an emotional hardship that takes a great toll on me and sometimes I don't feel strong enough."

Well, I wasn't expecting that. I knew Jace came from a shitty situation, but abuse? That seems crazy. How did he go from there to here?

"Jace, I don't really know what to say," I mumbled, looking down at the table. I had dealt with tough shit in my life and could often empathize with other people, but this was completely out of my element.

I suddenly felt his hand on mine. My shy green eyes met his scarred gold ones and I could tell in that moment that he just needed me to be there. So that's exactly what I did. "I don't usually open up to people," Jace said slowly, "and I'm sorry if this is too much for you."

I didn't reply, I just let him take comfort in knowing that I wouldn't leave him for that moment and held his hand loosely. Our little bubble didn't last long though because the waitress soon returned with our food, and Jace and I began to eat. I couldn't bring myself to start another conversation and luckily didn't have to because Lilith came on stage while we ate. She was a pretty small person with short black hair and tanned skin. She seemed a little shy, but that quickly disappeared. She familiarized herself with the small stage and sat down at the piano, preparing to sing her first piece of the night.

From that first note, I knew she would be perfect. She opened with a cover of Norah Jones' "Come Away With Me" and after that I fell in love with her voice. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she played the piano, her fingers dancing across the keys as though they were following some lit up path that nobody else could see. She was an extremely talented musician, and I knew she was exactly what Simon and Isi would want.

After she played her set, I turned to Jace and said, "she's the one."

He agreed quickly and got up swiftly from his seat, telling me to wait by the table. He returned a few minutes later with her contact information written on a napkin.

"How on earth did you manage to get your hands on that?" I asked him, surprised.

"I'm pretty good friends with the manager," he said with a sly grin.

We left after that, walking in relative silence back to my apartment. It had been a good night, despite Jace's troubles and I wanted him to know that. I was getting the impression that he thought I hadn't enjoyed myself. As we made our way to my door, I turned to look at him.

"Tonight was really great, Jace," I said genuinely as I fished my keys out of my pocket.

"Really?" he asked, questioning my honesty.

I walked up to him and slipped my arms around his waist, hugging him loosely, "it was a night to remember," I whispered in his ear.

I pulled back and, without turning around to look at him, let myself back into my building.

**Hope you guys liked it. PLEASE review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello again, faithful readers. I think (or maybe just hope) that you guys will all enjoy this next chapter. Clary takes a huge step in it. Enjoy!**

Chapter 10:

Chapter Song: A Moment Changes Everything by David Grey

_Whoa_ I thought to myself as I walked through my apartment after saying goodnight to Jace. I didn't expect the night to go like that at all. Everything was perfect, except for the part where Jace was feeling low. I understood the feeling all too well. There were times when Jonathon was sick where I felt so helpless, but I still stayed by his side no matter what. I saw him suffer so much while he was sick and wondered how doctors could get through the day and not think the exact same way as Jace.

I couldn't help but feel sympathetic. I wanted to help Jace realize that what he does matters. I knew absolutely nothing about his job or how the legal system worked, but maybe I could give him a branch of my own personal medicine. Before I decided to back out, I grabbed my phone and texted him. **Make sure you're free on Sunday at 10. **Maybe seeing the kids at the hospital fighting for their lives despite their circumstances would help him realize that what he does matters, in a metaphorical way.

Smiling to myself, I quickly got ready for bed and dreamed about Sunday.

I woke up Saturday morning to the buzzing of my phone. I groggily reached for it and said, still half asleep, "hello?"

"I'm sorry did I wake you?" It was Jace.

I sat up a little straighter in bed, pushing the hair away from my face. "Yeah, but don't worry about it, I was going to get up soon anyways. What's up?" I asked.

"I was wondering if you could explain your slightly cryptic text from last night," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh," I responded, surprised, "well you'll have to wait and see. I did specify that it was a _surprise._"

"True," he admitted, "I was just hoping for a little more info. I've never been a big fan of surprises."

"Noted," I said firmly, "but trust me, this is one you won't want to miss."

"Trust you?" he asked sceptically.

"Have you no faith?" I asked, playfully offended.

He sighed, "alright, I guess I can make an exception."

"Thank you, " I said before hanging up.

I got out of bed after stretching my back and neck. I didn't have much planned for today other than running a few simple errands. I bought groceries, sorted out my cable bill after arguing mercilessly with a defenseless employee and went to the art store. I wanted to try a new activity with the kids tomorrow – something I had always loved doing as a kid: black magic.

By the time I had gotten everything done, I was ready to pass out quickly fell asleep, excited for tomorrow.

Sunday morning dawned bright and early. I shut off my alarm and swiftly climbed out of bed, slightly afraid for the day. I was feeling confident yesterday while planning my mission to cheer Jace up, but I suddenly felt nervous. I had never brought anybody to the hospital with me, very few people knew I volunteered there, let alone the reason why. I was scared to reveal yet another part of myself to Jace, especially something as important and close to my heart as this.

As I sipped my coffee I tried to think of the worst thing that could happen, but couldn't. I mean, could I ever feel uncomfortable about Jace being present in this aspect of my life? Maybe, but I still felt an overwhelming urge to share this with him anyways. Before I could change my mind, I hurriedly drank the last few gulps of my coffee, pulled on some fresh clothes for the day and headed out to Jace's apartment with my bag of supplies slung over my shoulder.

The walk calmed my nerves some. By the time I reached Jace's door, I was excited at the prospect of seeing him. As he walked out to meet me, I couldn't help myself from doing an automatic once over of him. He was wearing a pair of khakis, a black leather jacket and a pair of Ray Bans, no doubt to hide his slightly tired eyes.

"Morning Clary," he said with his signature grin, "so where are you taking me?"

"Well good morning to you too sunshine!" I replied sarcastically as I walked down his front steps in the direction of the subway station.

"You didn't answer my question," he pointed out.

I looked at him sideways, "I have no reason to tell you. If you could wait for forty eight hours, I'm sure you can handle another thirty minutes. Besides, good things come to those who wait."

His jaw tightened, clearly frustrated by my refusal. I knew he wasn't a fan of surprises, but I had a feeling he would benefit from this one.

"What's in the bag?" he asked, hunting for clues.

"It's all part of the surprise," I said, not giving him anything.

He huffed, "at least let me carry it for you. It looks heavy."

"So you can dig through it as soon as I hand it over?" I accused, seeing right through his devious plan, "nah, I'll pass."

From that point on, we made our way to the hospital in relative silence and as we approached the front doors of the hospital, Jace stopped walking.

"Clary, why are we here?" he asked, clearly confused.

"We're here because I need to show you something. Come," I commanded, grabbing his hand and steering him inside the hospital.

I directed us towards the paediatric ward which housed the permanent residents of the hospital. There was only a small group of kids today which made me a little sad, but I was always happy to have anybody at all to work with. I set down my bag of supplies and greeted the kids.

"Morning guys," I said loudly, "today we're going to do something that my mother taught me when I was around your age, it's called black magic. Before we get started, I want you all to say hello to Jace, he's a friend of mine and he's really excited to meet all of you."

The kids greeted Jace with a quiet hello before I got started. The project was simple, so it only took me a few minutes to explain how to do everything. When I finished, I looked to Jace and found him staring at me in awe.

"I don't understand," he said flatly.

I looked at him a little worriedly. Maybe this idea wasn't as good as I initially thought. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Why am I here? I thought this was something personal to you? Why are you showing me this?" he asked, his golden eyes boring into mine, demanding a response.

I sighed. "You seemed so hopeless, like you couldn't bear the thought of going on, of pushing yourself to do what you love to help someone, no matter how imminent failure was. I needed you to know that what you do matters. Look at these kids, many of them will die within the next few years, but at least they have those years and it's all because somebody is working hard to give them that short amount of time. I know things seem tough for you right now, Jace, but I couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing how directly you can affect somebody's life," I said compellingly. He needed to know that he couldn't give up no matter what.

He looked at me intensely, his eyes brimming with emotion. There was stillness between us in that moment. He was looking at me as though he'd never seen me before, as though he couldn't imagine I was doing this in his wildest dreams. He opened his mouth several times as if about to say something, but proceeded to close it each time, staring at me in wonder.

I was about to say something just to break this intense moment, but was saved by a tugging on my pants.

"Ms. Clary?" a little boy named Jack asked me, "could you help me? The colours are all fuzzy."

Jack had a tumour in his left eye that interfered with his interpretation of colours. It threw off his vision entirely and caused him a lot of problems. "I would be happy to," I said, grinning at him widely, "would you mind if Jace helped as well? He's pretty good with colours."

Jack shrugged and said he was cool with it. I spent a few minutes with Jack but spent a better part of the lesson going around the room, making sure all the kids were able to do the project. Jace spent the better part of an hour talking with Jack and helping him choose colours. By the time we left, Jace's spirits were in much better shape.

As we walked out of the hospital, Jace grabbed my wrist causing me to stop walking.

"Clary," he began, "I don't know how to thank you. That was an incredible experience – one I won't forget. Nobody has ever really taken the time to make sure my work hasn't gotten to me, but you actually managed to get me back on track."

I shrugged casually, "you don't need to thank me Jace. You just need to keep doing what you're doing," I said.

He nodded, knowing he didn't need to say anything else about the matter.

"On a lighter note," he said while we walked towards the subway station, "I managed to book Lilith for the wedding."

I looked over at him, my eyes wide and excited, "are you kidding me? That's fantastic! Simon and Isi are going to flip!"

Jace chuckled in response, no doubt amused by my extreme enthusiasm. We spent the rest of the journey to our respective apartments in harmonious silence. It's funny, with Jace I didn't feel as though we needed to say anything at all. It was a rare thing that I truly appreciated. When I reached my stop, I looked over my shoulder at him and grinned, prepared to say goodbye. What I wasn't prepared for was Jace snaking his arm around my waist and kissing me on the cheek whispering "thank you" in my ear just before the doors closed.

**Bad? Good? Let me know!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys! I was feeling good so I decided to update this a little sooner rather than later. Anyways, I wanted to start off by thanking all the people who reviewed the last chapter! It really makes me feel good (and in the writing mood) when I get reviews like that. **

**Regarding this chapter, you should be prepared: this is where everything gets interesting and there's a truly defining moment for Clace. **

**Enjoy **

Chapter 11:

Chapter Song: Down by Jason Walker (just for the last part of the chapter)

It had been almost two weeks. Two weeks since I had taken Jace to the hospital. Two weeks since he'd spoken to me, two weeks since he'd kissed me. Not that it was an actual kiss or anything, but that didn't mean I wouldn't like it to be. I shook my head a little, trying to reorganize my thoughts.

I was sitting at my desk getting ready to meet Isi for coffee. It had been far too long since we'd seen each other, and she was bubbling with curiosity about Jace and me. After putting on the finishing touches of my latest art project, I dressed hurriedly in a black sweater dress, popping on some gold flats before braving the cold wind. I ran down the street to the little coffee shop near Isi's apartment. She was standing just inside the door, tapping her foot impatiently. I didn't think I was _that_ late.

"Isi!" I said excitedly as I walked through the door, hugging her tightly.

She let me go and held me at arms length and looked me up and down. "Geez Clary, what happened to your hair?" she asked jokingly.

"I was running," I explained, "I was just a little behind schedule."

"If that's your story," she said, laughing a little.

I rolled my eyes and guided us to our favourite table near the window. The waitress already knew our orders, given that we came here so often.

"So what's new?" I asked. It really had been too long since we'd spoken.

She arched her eyebrow at me speculatively, "shouldn't I be asking you that?" she questioned curiously.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, "my life is boring, you're the one with a wedding to plan."

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here Clary," she said exasperatedly, "I want to know what's going on with you and the hottie."

Hottie? Who was she talking about? I was definitely not screwing around with somebody…wait, could she mean Jace? "Isi," I began slowly, "I think I would know if I were screwing around with a hottie. You have to be a little more specific."

"Oh my goodness, you are such a clueless human being," she began hotly. She was practically vibrating with excitement at this point, "I'm talking about Jace you dummy!"

Suspicion confirmed. I should get a job as a detective…actually I would suck at that.

"Earth to Clary?" Isi asked, frustrated. She wanted answers, now.

"Alright, I'll stop," I said, holding my hands up in surrender. "Nothing is happening really. I mean, we're just friends."

"Maybe for now," she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

I looked at her while she fiddled with her coffee cup, wondering if it was worth knowing about. "Okay, I'll bite," I said with a sigh, "what are you talking about?"

"A little bird may have told me that he's _very_ interested in you," she said, leaning forward on her forearms to gauge my reaction.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my own coffee, "you and Simon gossip like old women at church," I said conspiratorially.

She leaned back, shrugging her shoulders. "Whatever, we're allowed. I'm pretty sure telling your spouse everything is written in the marriage contract."

I laughed at this, making Isi smile. "So are you honestly telling me that there's nothing going on between the two of you? Because, you should know I'm not buying it. After all, your definition and my definition of 'hooking up' are completely different," she said factually.

I spat out my coffee a little at this. After wiping the table down a little, I shot her a dirty look, "Isi, we aren't hooking up. We haven't done anything except try to plan your wedding. Sure, we became friends at some point and we enjoy each other's company, but that's it. Now will you drop it?" I asked, not wanting to talk about this anymore.

I had always hated being pressured into relationships. Isi knew this of course, seeing me after my last disastrous attempt at a relationship had nearly destroyed her as well as myself given that she'd planned the whole thing. I suppose the whole 'marriage' shebang was turning her into a romantic. Too bad for her, I didn't want any of that.

"You know Clary," she said slowly, looking me dead in the eye, "one of these days you're going to wake up and realize that you want more from life than having a wonderful group of friends. I can only hope that you don't figure it out too late, that's all."

I breathed in deeply, looking away while trying to control my anger. "First Simon, now you," I said, a little hotly, "I realize that you are both head over heels for each other and that's great for you. I need you to accept that it isn't what I want. I wasn't built to exist for someone else, okay? So will you please drop it?"

"Okay," she said slowly, "I'll drop it."

"Thanks," I said a little icily, while I sipped my coffee.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say after my minor freak-out. Luckily Isi didn't let us suffer in silence for very long.

"You know, there's a sale at Macy's," she said, piquing my interest.

"Why are you just mentioning this now?" I asked loudly, slamming my hand down on the table a little hard.

"Calm down Clary," Isi said, staring at the place my hand slammed the table, "there's always plenty of time to shop."

We both finished our coffee quickly and headed to Macys. I may not have been an avid shopper, but even I couldn't pass up a good sale.

I slammed my door shut, leaning up against it and slowly sinking to the floor, still clutching my bags. My feet and legs were past the point of exhaustion. Isi and I had shopped for the better part of four hours and I was moaning and groaning in pain as I dragged myself to my bedroom. All I wanted was to curl up on my couch with a good movie.

I plopped my bags by my bed and pulled on a pair of fleece leggings and my fuzziest cardigan. I made myself a mug of tea and sat down, popping in The Avengers…I was definitely in the mood for Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth. What kind of normal girl could pass up ogling a hot guy for two hours?

I was only about ten minutes in when I heard someone knocking on my door. I furrowed my eyebrows a little, not knowing whom it could be. After pausing the movie, I got up from my couch and opened the door, a little cautiously. It was Jace, and he looked like a mess. His suit was crumpled, tie loose and hair in a golden mess atop his head. His eyes were lowered to the floor and he was clutching my doorframe with intense force, judging by the colour of his knuckles.

I opened my door a little wider, granting him access to my apartment. He looked up, his sad eyes telling me that he'd had a bad day. He probably wanted alcohol, but I knew that would be a bad call, something he would most definitely regret. Instead, I grabbed his hand and led him to my kitchen, getting him to stand by the counter while I grabbed my kettle and boiled another cup of water. Neither of us had said anything at this point.

As the water boiled, I couldn't help but wonder how he got here, what could have possibly gone wrong and most importantly, why he was here.

Still silent, I handed him a freshly brewed cup of tea. He looked at it as though it was the last thing in the world he wanted to drink but took a sip all the same. I nodded in approval at this and led him to the couch, still not saying anything. As we both sat down, I looked at him for a moment before pressing play on the movie. I figured that when he was ready to talk, he would let me know.

We watched the movie for about fifteen minutes, neither of us actually concentrating on the figures on the screen. The atmosphere was extremely tense, at least for me. I couldn't help but sit with perfect posture while stealing glances at him every few seconds. I was itching to talk to him but knew better than to push for answers to my burning questions. He finally let out a deep sigh and grabbed the remote, pressing the pause button, and sitting back on the couch, still not saying a word. I decided it was time to break the silence.

"I once read in Cosmo that when somebody has had a bad or trying day, all they want is someone to talk to who will empathize or sympathise with them. They just need someone to rant to who won't judge them, somebody who will listen and agree with all his or her assessments about a situation. Then again, this is all from Cosmo, so who knows how reliable it is," I said quietly, "then again, there are other people who want someone who will challenge them intellectually and will take the time to work out situations and come up with solutions to their problems."

He turned to look at me, looking more exhausted than anybody ever should.

"I don't know what kind you are right now," I admitted, looking at my mug of tea in my hands.

Jace grabbed his head in his hands, leaning forward on his knees. At this, I put my mug on the table and gently removed his hands from his hair, taking both of them in my hands. "You don't need to talk to me," I said, looking him straight in the eyes, "you don't need to tell me what's wrong, you don't even need to tell me what I can do to help. But I do need you let it go, and you need it too."

At this, he burst into tears. I hugged him closely, running my fingers through his hair, whispering in his ear and trying to calm him down. This was absolute torture for me, I had no idea what was wrong or how to help, but this was all I could do for him. I just hoped it was what he needed, I hoped it was enough.

He wasn't coherent enough to form words for the rest of the night and ended up falling asleep, still grasping me around the torso. I leaned back on the couch, turning off the television. I didn't know what to do now. Should I try and get him to let go of me? I didn't know if that was the best idea, I mean, I didn't want him falling off the couch. I gently tried to pry his arms of my body, but this only caused him to hold on tighter. Damn, the boy had quite the grip. I tried for a couple more minutes in vain to get him to release me, I guess Jace was sleeping over tonight.

I lowered myself gently on the long couch and put my head on the arm, running my hands gently through Jace's hair. His body relaxed as I continued my movements, and so did mine. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep, wondering where everything went wrong for him.

**Bit of a cliffy, sorry, but I had to do it. I have to keep it real sometimes. Please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello lovely readers! This may be the only chapter you get for a little while because I am in the middle of midterms (fun stuff…okay not really). Anyways, here's a little JPOV!**

Chapter 11

Chapter Song: Yellow Light by Of Monsters and Men

**JPOV**

Do you ever get that feeling when you tingle with dread? It happens to me more than I would care to admit, especially after living in the tragedies of somebody else's life. It's almost like anticipation, you're waiting for something – something to happen, a tangible change. I'm talking about the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, the endless blackness that originates in your very soul and spreads through your system to the tips of your fingers. It makes your head spin, your heart stop, and time ultimately stand still.

In my line of work, I can feel this way several times a minute to a couple times a month, no matter where or when it happens, it always feels worse than it did before, strikes with a newfound force that I could never have foreseen and leaves me knocked out and defeated each and every time.

No matter the severity, this inner evil exudes a distinct sense of familiarity. Maybe it's because of its recurrent tendencies, or because it reminds me of my failures and how easily I can get knocked down. Well, that's certainly the case today.

I didn't think it would be possible. After Clary took me to the hospital and helped me see that my efforts on the behalf of others were not futile, I began to believe that I could win this case. I researched, stayed up late, slept in my office. I dedicated my life to the little boy whose fate depended on me. I believed my case was infallible, not in a cocky way, but in a well-deserved manner – and I lost.

I'm good at what I do, people respect me for my abilities and knowledge of the law. I am paid to ensure success, and my clients expect results. This case was unlike any other, and with time and dedication I was sure I could win, but it wasn't enough. It never could have been enough.

I only truly registered my failure at the sound of the gavel and the snapping of the brief cases surrounding me as people filed out of the room. I looked around the room and found the deep eyes of a mother that did everything she could only to fail. I could register the arrival of that familiar feeling of darkness as it dragged me closer and closer to my own personal oblivion – a place I was all too familiar with, a place I was beginning to call my home. But this was all before her.

Since meeting Clary, I finally found myself thinking about something other than work, caring about the opinions of others and, for lack of eloquence, actually gave a shit about something other than my job. She challenged me, and gave me a safe environment to be myself. She observed my character more than anybody else and, without intention forced me to take a better look at myself and the person I wanted to be. Most importantly, she cared about me. She took time out of her day and stepped out of her comfort zone to ensure I was okay. It was for these reasons that when I felt my heart about to beat out of my chest, and my palms sweat freely that I headed straight to her apartment.

There was going to be hell to pay when I got back to the office, but I was in absolutely no state to deal with it at the moment. I knew that if I tried to go there, I would only see my failures and undoubtedly do something I would regret.

I looked like a wreck and I knew it, but I barely registered the looks of mild concern and disgust of the other people as I weaved through the complicated city of New York. I didn't stop walking, I didn't talk to anybody even though my cell phone was ringing non-stop. I knew that if I talked to anybody other than her, I would lose it and I wouldn't be able to come back from it. I needed to come back from this.

I reached her apartment and instantly felt relief. I hadn't even seen her yet, but the mere thought of it was enough to calm me down. This sudden onslaught of energy forced me to forgo taking the elevator and climb all six flights of stairs to her apartment as fast as I could. I knocked on her door instantly, praying that she was home. I don't know what I would do if she wasn't here.

I heard the door open and a slight gasp as she took in the sight of me. I looked up, searching desperately for her eyes, any part of her really. Her physical presence was the only thing keeping me calm right now, it grounded me more than any physical force. She took in my appearance for all of about a second before opening the door wider and granting me entrance. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was concentrate on her. If I did anything else, I was sure my mind would slip and I would get angry and frustrated.

I suddenly felt a mug thrust into my hand. Liquor? I looked down, nope. Just some pink coloured liquid that smelled faintly like apples, cinnamon and a scent I often associated with autumn. I usually liked to drink tea, but to be honest, all I wanted right now was the strongest alcohol I could get my hands on. I shrugged, bringing the mug slowly to my lips, Clary nodded in encouragement, making me want to taste a sip. It was pretty good. I'm sure on a normal day I would have liked it.

Seeming satisfied, Clary took my hand once more and guided me to the living room where she was watching some kind of action adventure movie. She pulled me down on the couch and pressed play. What on Earth was she doing? Did she think that her night was actually going to play out normally?

I sat, staring at the television, my mind numb and barely registering the figures on the screen. After an immeasurable amount of time, however, I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know if I was ready to talk about what had happened, but I knew I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. I reached for the remote and turned off the television, sitting back on the couch and burying my face in my hands.

"I once read in Cosmo that when somebody has had a bad or trying day, all they want is someone to talk to who will empathize or sympathise with them. They just need someone to rant to who won't judge them, somebody who will listen and agree with all his or her assessments about a situation. Then again, this is all from Cosmo, so who knows how reliable it is," she said, barely above a whisper, "then again, there are other people who want someone who will challenge them intellectually and will take the time to work out situations and come up with solutions to their problems."

If her presence was beneficial to me, it was nothing compared to her voice. Her soothing melody held me in the present and compelled me to listen to her.

"I don't know what kind you are right now," she said.

I could hear saddness in her voice. It killed me to know that seeing me like this was hurting her. I wish I could be better. God, all I wanted was to be enough for my clients, my friends…for _her._

I felt her soft, gentle hands on mine, clutching them tightly, letting me know she was here. Why did I always feel like she was the one reassuring me? She brought my face level with hers and stared deep into my soul, trying desperately to help me. I didn't know if even she could at this point. I knew a long time ago that I was a broken mess beyond repair. Moreover, nobody would even want to put me back together, but here she was. She was holding me close, not pushing me away, a feeling I was not used to.

"You don't need to talk to me," she said, looking me straight in the eyes, "you don't need to tell me what's wrong, you don't even need to tell me what I can do to help. But I do need you let it go, and you need it too."

With these last broken words, I lost it. She was giving me support I had never known, being a rock I never had, holding me with her perfect body, moulding herself to me. We fit like two pieces of a puzzle. I know a lot of guys don't think it's manly to cry, after all, I am one of those douches. But sitting here in this woman's arms, I couldn't help but let it out. All I could see were my past mistakes, my failures that I had buried under my façade of sarcasm and public mask. It was all coming to the surface, transcending this last case, but to let it all out didn't feel bad, mind you, it also didn't feel good. It just felt necessary.

I knew I couldn't say anything right now. Not only would I be incoherent, I would also say the wrong thing and I thought I had freaked Clary out enough. Somewhere in the night, my cries had died down, and I fell asleep in the arms of the most compassionate, caring woman I had ever known.

**Sorry for all the moodiness in this chapter. I swear, this isn't a common theme for the story. Anyways, I hope you guys liked it (especially getting into Jace's head ;)). Remember, I always love reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey hey! I'm am so incredibly sorry that it took me this long to update. I have my first midterm tomorrow (yikes!) so I was a little preoccupied with studying… and since I'm a nerd I need to prepare too far in advance lol. Anyways, I know a lot of you are anxious to see what happens in this chapter (I'm a little anxious to read about your reactions, please don't hate me for the awful writing, I just wanted to churn out this chapter for you guys and was getting really caught up in the story). So, I hope you like it, and if I can say anything before you delve in, please PLEASE listen to the song accompanying this chapter. It's on youtube (that's right, I checked) and I listened to it on repeat for hours while I was writing this.**

Chapter 13

Chapter song: Come Around by Rosi Golan

I woke up groggily the next morning. Not groggy because I was tired, last night was probably the best night's sleep I had gotten in a very long time. No, I was groggy because, I had a dull pain radiating from my back. I shifted slightly to try and get in a more comfortable position. Was I on the couch? I opened my eyes, and last night came rushing back to me. Yeah, I was on the couch…and so was Jace.

Jace was sleeping peacefully, his arms wrapped around me, holding me close, his head on my breast. I wasn't sure how I felt about our position, but I knew it had been a tough day for him, so I decided to just let him sleep. I let my head fall back on the arm of the couch, wondering as I had last night, where everything went wrong for him. He didn't say anything, well, not anything that could be understood by your average human being.

While I was lost in my own thoughts, Jace began to stir. He muffled slightly into my shirt causing me to giggle. He froze before pulling his head up to look at me. He instantly backed off.

"Fuck, crap, sorry!" he said in a rush, trying to simultaneously straighten out his hair and rub the sleep out of his eyes.

"It's okay," I responded, rubbing his arm.

I knew he was embarrassed, and probably still upset from last night, but this couldn't quench my curiosity. "Everything okay?" I asked quietly.

It was a loaded question, and I knew he understood what I was trying to convey.

He sighed deeply, staring into his hands once more. "No," he said simply.

I sat a little closer to him on the couch and grabbed his hand. "So how are you going to make it better?" I asked him.

He sighed once again, "God, I don't know," he said desperately.

"I'm not God," I pointed out, trying to lighten up his sombre mood, "it's just me, Clary."

He laughed before saying, "I know, silly. I mean I don't know how I'm supposed to fix this."

I rubbed the back of his hand absentmindedly, calming him down and asked, "will you tell me? I might be able to help."

"I don't know if it will do any good. I fucked up royally and it's a messy situation," he said weakly.

"Please?" I whispered, "I can't see you like this, it's breaking my heart."

He turned to look at me slowly, a haunted look flitting across his eyes. He was so broken, it took everything I had not to pull him towards me and protect him.

"Fine," he said with a groan, "you remember that case I told you about at the concert? The one with the little boy who had a jackass for a father? Well I lost, and now he has to live with him, and his mother lost him and it's all my fault."

Crap he was right, this was awful. Most of the reason why Jace and I hadn't talked in a long time was because I was trying to give him time to prepare for this case. I knew how much it meant to him, and now it was destroying him.

"Crap, Jace, I'm so sorry," I said sadly, "are you sure there's nothing you could do to fix things? Is it really over?"

"Yes," he replied hoarsely burying his face in is hands, "I've exhausted every resource and thought of every possible thing that could have gotten in the way of success, but apparently it wasn't enough. I know you're still probably curious about a few things, but I don't think I can talk about it anymore."

I was still burning with questions. I didn't know much about the law so I knew that most of my questions would probably just aggravate him and thus decided to shut up, but there was something that I needed to ask, even though I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer.

"Jace," I began slowly, "why did you come here?"

He looked at me, clearly confused by my question, and maybe a little hurt as well. "I couldn't be alone," he said slowly, "and I felt as though I could talk to you. I thought you would understand."

"I do," I said hurriedly, "I just can't figure out why you didn't go to Simon or Isi first, I mean, we've only known each other for a little over a month, why me?"

He looked at me for a few seconds before replying. In those few seconds, his eyes told me that there were things he was feeling that I wasn't ready to know about yet. He took a deep breath, trying to put words to his thoughts and said, "I know it may seem like we don't know each other very well, but to be honest, you know more about me than a lot of people. There's something about you, Clary, it's disarming, baffling but I can't resist it. I want you to know me, and I want to know you."

Fuck, this is what I was afraid of. I knew Jace was talking about friendship, but I couldn't help but feel as though he was getting at something deeper. I couldn't' do this, relationships were not my thing and Jace knew this. I knew I had to set Jace right before either one of us got hurt, but I couldn't do that to him right now.

"Right," I said awkwardly, "so, do you want some breakfast? I make some amazing pancakes."

He seemed to understand that the topic of relationships was not up for discussion at the moment. I was incredibly grateful that he was the kind of person that wouldn't pursue something I was uncomfortable talking about. God, I really didn't deserve him.

"Geez, brag much?" he asked sarcastically.

I quirked an eyebrow at him and got up from the couch quickly, heading towards the kitchen. "I can assure you that these will be the best pancakes you've ever had in your life," I said proudly.

I wasn't lying, I made some fuck awesome pancakes.

"You better not be joking around," he said seriously, "I am prepping myself for a life altering experience and I would _hate _to be disappointed."

I rolled my eyes as I pulled out the ingredients for the recipe. "Hey, you know, if you're lucky, I might even let you help with this."

He rolled up his sleeves, getting ready to cook. "Put me to work chef Clary," he said jokingly.

"Can you measure out the wet ingredients?" I asked, while I poured flour into a mixing bowl.

He dug around in my fridge for a while before pulling out a carton of milk. "I think I can do that," he said with his signature grin that made my knees weak.

We worked in harmonious silence for a few minutes before Jace broke it.

"Today's Sunday, yeah?" he asked.

"Oh my God, you know the days of the week!" I announced teasingly, giggling a little at my lame joke.

He turned away from his bowl to look at me, a dangerous look in his eyes. "Think you're funny Clary?" he asked, taking a slow step towards me.

I took a step back in turn, slightly afraid for his next move. "Uh, duh, have you met me?" I asked pointedly.

At this he lunged forward, bringing an egg down on my head. He laughed loudly as the yolk ran through my messy hair. My mouth opened of it's own accord in shock and my hands ran through my now slick hair.

"Oh, you don't know what you've gotten yourself into," I said darkly. I grabbed the bowl of dry ingredients and tossed them at him. He coughed a little, while trying to shake the mixture out of his hair. He was in a slight cloud of dust, but I considered this to be getting even.

"Hopefully that'll teach you to never mess with me again," I said, placing the bowl back on the counter before turning back to the cupboards to grab more flour.

I should have known that Jace would never expect defeat. While I had my back turned, he snuck up behind me and dumped the bowl of wet ingredients all over me. I slammed the cupboard door loudly and turned around. I must have looked terrifying because Jace was now backing up, a mildly frantic expression on his face. I lunged towards the sink, grabbing the removable nozzle, and pointed it right at him, spraying him with warm water. He yelped indignantly and tried to get out of the spray to no avail.

When he was soaking wet, he finally admitted defeat, "alright, alright, you win. You're the Queen of food fights," he said, laughing so much he could barely say the words properly.

I took a little bow and slipped in the process, grabbing onto Jace for support. Of course, since I'm such a klutz, I only managed to pull him down with me. Smooth guy that Jace is, he managed to make us fall so that I landed on top of him. Suddenly I wasn't laughing. I was staring in his eyes, which became a little darker. He stroked my egg soaked bangs away from my face and behind my ear.

I knew I would find myself in this position at one point or another. There was this unique power he had over me. Staring into his golden orbs, I could tell he felt it too. I expected him to take advantage of my position. I mean, it wasn't a secret that there was some unexplainable connection between the two of us, I just didn't know how anything would play out. He held the cards now, and I was frightened about how he would play them.

I should have known I had nothing to worry about. Jace, gentleman that he is, knew that I wasn't ready for this and instead of seizing the opportunity to kiss me, pulled me gently to a sitting position. "We should probably get cleaned up," he said in a deep voice.

I blinked, trying to concentrate on anything other than him. Would it always be this difficult to keep my cool around him? "Yeah," I replied, still a little dazzled, "you're probably right. You can clean up in my bathroom, it's just down the hall."

"Thanks," he said. He got up and headed in that direction, leaving me in the mess we had created.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself, "what the fuck am I going to do?"

My heart was telling me that I would never feel this way about anybody ever again. I mean, Jace and I had a connection that I don't think either of us could explain. It made me think back to conversations I had with my mother many years ago about love. We agreed that there were generally two kinds of people. The first kind doesn't need an excess of emotion or sense of dependence and benevolence for their "person". They need their company, simple affection and comfort in their own home, not much else. Then, there is a whole other category that occupies the other end of the spectrum. These people need fiery passion, to be overcome by a simple smile and to care so much for another person that they can't bear to be without them.

Back then, I would have sworn I was the second type of person, but so much had changed for me since I was a naïve teenager that I was beginning to think there was a third category of people: the kind that didn't have a love of their life. I believed I was like this for such a long time, especially after Raphael.

Raphael was Isi's co-worker. They knew each other from college and ended up at the same company. Isi thought we would be great together, so I agreed to one date. Against all odds, we hit it off and for a while, I actually thought I was taking down the brick wall I had built around my heart since I'd lost so much. Raphael was a nice guy and he listened, but that all went to hell. I was going to surprise him the day I got my promotion. I bought us dessert from a French patisserie we'd discovered not long ago and headed over to his apartment. He never locked his door, so I thought it would be all right to just let myself in. I had done this before, always calling in advance to let him know when I would be there, except this time.

When I walked in, I immediately knew something was wrong. I saw candles and heard another woman's laugh. Blood ran ice cold in my veins and my heart beat frantically when I walked into his bedroom. He was with another woman, I still don't know who it was, but he was still there, laughing with her, touching her, making her moan the way he'd made me moan. It made me sick. I ran out of there as fast as I could and ended up at Simon's apartment. For a week, I did barely anything. I finally felt as though I could open up to somebody and found out that it was all a lie. I spent that week reinforcing the walls around my heart and vowed to never let anybody in too far.

That was two years ago. I thought it would be difficult to protect my heart from pain, but it was simple, truly effortless. I became the third kind of person, but it felt compatible. I liked being everybody's friend. I enjoyed being somebody's rock, but now things were changing.

It wasn't as though I had turned off my emotion; I just dulled the settings. But since Jace had come into my life, everything was going haywire and I couldn't figure out what kind of person I was. It was also different than how it had been with Raphael, I felt so free with Jace, I felt challenged with him and he felt so _right_ to me. Could that mean I was ready to put myself in such a vulnerable position again? Could I survive it this time if he hurt me?

"Clary?" Jace asked, turning the corner to get back to the kitchen. He took one look at me and his eyes widened with concern. He rushed to my side, cradling my face with his hands and wiped away tears I didn't realize were there. "Hey," he said quietly, sitting next to me and pulling me into his side, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said quietly, attempting to get up. Jace just pulled me closer.

"Why don't I believe you?" he asked, still concerned.

"You aren't a very trusting person?" I hypothesized.

"Clary," he said warningly.

I sighed, wiping my egg yolk caked hair away from my face, "I don't want to talk about it," I said, attempting to get up once again. This time Jace didn't stop me.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"I'm going to go get cleaned up," I announced loudly, trying to focus on anything other than the giant elephant in the room.

"Hey," he said, grabbing my wrist, "it's Sunday."

I laughed lightly, "yes, I believe we established that earlier," I said mockingly.

He grinned a little crookedly, "I know that. What I'm saying is that we need to be at the hospital soon."

I glanced at the clock on my oven, "shit! You're – wait, did you say 'we'?" I asked.

"Yes, if that's okay. I was thinking we could grab some food first since your epic pancakes didn't work out," he said, shrugging.

"Um, okay?" I said, making it sound more like I was asking a question.

"Clary, If you don't want me to be there, all you have to do is say it. I won't force my company on you," he said sincerely.

"No, no, it's fine. The kids liked having you there as well. I just need ten minutes," I said, turning to walk towards my bathroom, "some of Luke's clothes are here, if you need something to wear."

I walked into my bedroom instead and grabbed a pair of old jeans and a flannel shirt for him.

"Luke?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"My step dad," I said, "he stays here when he has to work in the city because he's not close by."

"Oh," he replied, sounding appeased by my answer.

"Okay then," I said awkwardly, "I'll be out soon."

I left Jace sitting on my couch, watching the news. The sight seemed so normal, so comfortable. It stabbed at my heart again. I really needed to figure this out before I ended up getting hurt again, and before I hurt Jace.

**Yeah, life's a bitch. Clary has some personal issues, but that's all explained as the story progresses, so be patient. You also find out more about Jace and it will all come together, I promise. So, hope that wasn't to awful to plow through, and please, please review **


	15. Chapter 15

**I wanted to begin by saying that I'm sorry I let this story go. It's no excuse to say that life happened or got in the way, but that's exactly what happened. Going to university has taught me many things these last few months about everything from basic cell structure to the true meaning of friendship. I can honestly say that focusing on this has taught me more about life and knowledge and hopes and failure than I could ever know at this point. That in mind, I can't make any promises for any kind of consistent updating schedule because learning both inside and outside the classroom will undoubtedly take priority for me. This isn't a bad thing though because it will help me write and shape characters, after all, personal experience is the best way to learn right? **

**Anyways, after the longest A/N of this story (so far at least… I make no promises for the future ****) I will get back to the story. I'm sure some of you are more than a little frustrated at Clary's frigidness, but she's defrosting. It's not like she had a choice though, I mean, Jace is fudging hot! Enjoy! **

Chapter 14:

Chapter Song: Can't be Love by Laura Izibor

After seeing the kids at the hospital for a couple of hours, Jace and I went to get some food. I was still frazzled by the rush of emotions I felt whenever I was around him, especially after everything that had been going on inside my head this morning so I didn't say much. I figured he could tell something was up after his many attempts at light conversation failed, so he just left me alone. I couldn't be around him any longer without feeling like I was being pulled in a million different directions. I felt bad about it, but I ended up leaving him abruptly on the side of the road, his frown did nothing to soothe my morale.

As I sat on my couch and stared at the blank, sun bleached walls of my apartment I couldn't help but wonder why everything was changing. I used to be so different. I could look at the world and see a ray of light in a dark tunnel, beauty in desiccation, adventure in the unknown. With everything that had happened in my life, pieces of my youthful optimism had flaked and withered away into nothingness leaving me bare before I knew what was happening. What's worse is that I didn't even try to find those pieces of myself, and now they could be forever lost. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to me or to the people that had to put up with me. I know that Simon has witnessed these changes while escorting me through the troubles of youth, feeling bad for me because he got to go home to a perfect family every night. When I started to change, he tried to stop it, but I was too frustrated to listen to him in the end. The stubborn teenager that I once was failed to see logic in my friend's reasoning and dismissed his pleas for me to let him in, to live life well, and to love. I couldn't do it, every little thing kept picking me apart: my parents' divorce, my father's neglect and shame, and loneliness, it all piled up. I couldn't go back to how I was so I just learned to live life without ever having to endure pain again.

Was this what I really wanted? It had worked out well enough so far, but was it still worth it to push people away when all they wanted was to keep me close?

I swallowed the rest of the whiskey in my cup and walked drunkenly back to my liquor cupboard for a refill. Soon I had so much that I forgot I was upset in the first place.

*MtA*Mta*Mta*MtA*MtA*MtA

"Clary," a voice whispered in my ear, "did some poor little birds adopt your hair as a home and create an intricate nest or did you get drunk last night and roll around your bed too much for your own good?

I groaned in response, slowly getting up from my somewhat peaceful rest, "are those my only options?" I asked groggily.

"Unless you had wild drunken sex last night with a mysterious handsome stranger, then yes," the voice, which I now recognized as Isabelle's replied.

"Well," I said with a sigh, "I think I might have to go with the bird alibi, where have those little ducklings run off too anyways?"

"Jace's naked body, they prefer his soft golden locks to the fire and brimstone atop your head," she said jokingly, "come on get up, I brought you a glass of water and an Advil, you'll be ready to face the day in no time."

I sat up slowly, wincing as my hangover set in. "Thanks," I mumbled appreciatively, "don't you have work?"

She got up from my bed, and drew back my curtains, the sudden incoming light causing me to wince. "Nope, I took the day off the go to the bridal shop, and you are coming with me," she said quickly and excitedly while opening all of the shutters in my dingy apartment, "and don't say you can't make it because I happen to know you were planning on working from home today."

I stumbled blindly over to my shower, stripping as the water warmed. "Isn't that Alec's job? I'm the best man, all I have to do is hand over your rings, he's supposed to deal with all your bitching and moaning," I yelled through the crack in the door.

"Geez Clary, aren't you a bright little ray of sunshine on a Monday morning. And, as a matter of fact, you are coming with me because while I do appreciate my brother very much, he has an atrocious taste in fashion and will say anything to get out of that store in less than thirty minutes," she yelled back, "besides, you wouldn't want to disappoint the bride, would you?"

I groaned in response, "Fine!" I cried over the sound of the water, "I'll be ready in ten minutes, would you make some coffee while I'm in here?"

"Sure, but I'm beginning to think you've developed an abusive relationship with that stuff, Clary," she said sternly before walking away.

I finished my shower before I even got to enjoy the magic that is hot water, and threw my hair up in a ponytail before changing into a blouse and a pair of jeans. I stumbled into the kitchen still feeling half asleep where I was mercifully greeted by a steaming hot cup of caffeine.

"mmm" I moaned as I took my first sip, "I love you, Isi."

"Whoa," Isi said sarcastically, faking a stumble and clutching her heart, "don't go ripping out the 'L' word like that Clary, you have to warn a girl."

"Oh shut it!" I exclaimed, punching her lightly in the arm, "do you want to find the perfect dress or not?"

We went to what felt like a thousand bridal shops that day before finding a little store in Soho that had the perfect dress for Isi. I was at my wits end and praying that she would find something soon when she stepped out of the dressing room.

"Clary," she said, grinning widely, "what do you think?"

It was without a doubt the most creative dress anyone could have made from a strip of silk. It had a sweetheart neckline and beautiful sequencing from top to bottom. It hugged her curves softly and made her look absolutely radiant.

"Is," I whispered softly, "I think that's the one."

She twirled in front of the mirror and gasped as she took everything in.

"Clare, I think you're right," she said back, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Don't you go crying on me now!" I scolded her as I felt my throat choke up.

"Ahh, you're right. We'll save that for the day," she said with a wink before disappearing into the dressing room.

I pulled out my phone as I sat back down and texted Simon, **be prepared to be speechless when you see Isi in her wedding dress**. Isi came out of the dressing room a minute later looking crestfallen.

"Sweetie what's wrong?" I asked anxiously.

She sighed deeply before saying, "Clary, that dress is almost two thousand dollars. I can't afford it!"

I rubbed her arms soothingly tying to think of something to soothe her, "Hey, I have an idea," I said, suddenly struck by inspiration, "I'll pay for half of it as my wedding present."

"What? Clary, that's too much, really!" she exclaimed.

"No, not at all. Isi, you, Simon and I have been good friends for such a long time and I'm so happy for the two of you. Let me do this, please?" I asked quietly.

She contemplated it for a few seconds before agreeing. "You do know this is outrageous, right?" she asked with a laugh.

"Not at all," I replied sincerely.

Isi bought the dress, hugging me tightly and thanking me profusely for the gift. Afterwards, we went our separate ways: Isi to her fiancé, and me to my little apartment, alone.

I opened the door, relishing in the squeaking sound of my door. It was the only real sound I would probably hear for the rest of the night. I liked having my own space and privacy, but going home to a quiet empty house was getting a little old.

I zapped a mini frozen pizza in the microwave before sketching for a few hours. I was hoping to hold an exhibit in a few months, but with Isi and Simon's wedding I knew it would have to wait. The amount of sketching I had done in the last few weeks was pitiful, I was really letting myself go, but I had to reassure myself that it wouldn't last forever. In my books the few people that mattered always came first while my dreams could wait.

*MtA*Mta*Mta*MtA*MtA*MtA

Lasting the rest of the week until Friday was absolutely brutal, I totally deserved a medal after surviving that hell. The days had dragged by slowly, my thoughts consumed by the wedding, my postponed exhibit and of course, Jace. It seemed that my heart was drugging my head or using some kind of hypnosis to allow it to forget that he wasn't my latest obsession.

As I left the office a little after eight, I mentally picked out movies to fall asleep watching in my head. I walked up to my apartment, not particularly excited at the prospect of another lonely night. I sat down unceremoniously on my lumpy couch, disappointed. I was young, and spending nights alone on my couch contemplating which hot and yummy actor I could fall asleep dreaming of. What was wrong with me? I deserved a night out, and I didn't want to spend another night in this lonely place.

Feeling determined to have a little fun, I walked over to my room and picked through my closet, looking for a nice outfit. I finally found a nice sequined miniskirt and a deep green tank top. I curled my hair and did my make up before getting ready to leave. This felt good, having somewhere I wanted to go, doing something for myself and myself alone. It was a bit of a foreign concept, but I was enjoying it. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door hoping that I would finally have a night to remember.

I walked down the street, heading for a club that I used to frequent with Isi. The place wasn't packed, but it was filling up with people coming from work getting ready to drink the night away. I got a beer to start, flirting casually with the bartender, hoping to score some free booze. I hadn't been there very long before the place was absolutely packed with people.

"Hey baby, wanna dance?" a deep voice whispered in my ear.

I turned around and faced a tall guy in a black dress shirt and dark pants. On a normal day, I probably would have politely refused, but in my current slightly inebriated condition and temporary state of mind, I decided to be adventurous and say yes. He took my hand and led the way to the dance floor planting his hands on my hips and swaying to the beat. He wasn't holding my attention, and didn't seem to know what he was doing, so I danced with him for only a couple songs before heading back to the bar, hoping to regain my buzz. As I approached the now grinning bartender, I glanced to my right and saw a familiar head of tawny locks…Jace, but he wasn't alone. He was sitting next to a gorgeous looking blonde girl that appeared to have trouble looking anywhere other than Jace's face or crotch.

My hands balled into fists of their own accord and I saw red. I couldn't believe he was here with another women, then again he wasn't mine. But he did sleep on my couch with me, and initiate a food fight, and kiss me…well, sort of. But that was Flirting 101, so what in the hell was he doing?

I stomped my way back to the bar and immediately ordered two shots of whiskey. After downing them quickly and regaining my buzz, I suddenly thought it would be a great idea to say hi to him. I approached him from behind and slid my hands from his shoulders down his chest. God, he felt _so_ good!

"Hey there," I whispered into his ear huskily.

He turned around suddenly, breaking off midsentence much to the disappointment of the slutty blonde across from him.

"Excuse me," she huffed, "we were having a-"

"Beat it nerd," I said, not looking away from Jace while keeping my arms on his shoulders.

Jace smiled crookedly, letting out a small laugh as the blonde walked away with a sour look on her face.

"Jacey, Jacey, Jacey," I sang happily, plopping myself in his lap.

He caught me and held me firmly around the waist. "Clary, Clary, Clary. Are you drunk?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

I turned to the bar and ordered another shot of whiskey, downing it quickly. I turned back to face Jace and replied, "now I am, but just a teensy bit."

He laughed loudly, "what are you doing here" he asked curiously, "I didn't think you went out to bars often."

"You think you know so much about me," I declared with minimal slurring, to which he nodded firmly, his smile still in place. "Well," I continued, "I am here because it's too damn quiet at home and I have no life."

He laughed again before responding. "Clary, we live in New York, it's never quiet," he said.

"That's not what I meant," I whispered quietly. "Why are you here with the fake blonde?" I asked accusingly, smacking his chest lightly with my hand.

"Hmmm," he hummed quietly, "why do you ask Clary? You jealous?"

I leaned forward, showing him a hint of cleavage, but his eyes never left mine. I pressed my lips to his ear and playfully asked, "wouldn't you like to know?"

Jace's hands climbed higher until they held me closer to his body. "Nah, just idle curiosity really," he said, seemingly unaffected.

"Well, in that case," I said sarcastically as I got up from his lap.

He grabbed my wrist lightly and pulled me back to his lap. He brushed my hair aside and pulled my head towards his, causing my breath to hitch. I closed my eyes as he whispered in my ear, "actually, I would like to know, very much."

I pulled my head back and looked him in the eye as I smiled and sweetly said, "No." His face fell at this, but I wasn't finished yet. "Being jealous would imply that I actually felt as though she had a better chance of getting with you than me."

"So you want to 'get with me'?" he asked teasingly while tracing little circles on my hips with his thumbs.

I hopped off his lap and took his hand, pulling him up with me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying his groan and darkened eyes. His hands clawed at my hips and he pulled me close. I stood on my toes, swaying drunkenly, but he held me in place and kept me from falling.

"Jace," I whispered with a small giggle, "I want to get with you very much right now."

He let me drop back onto my heels and took my hand, leading us out of the club. He hailed a taxi and gave them the address quickly before turning his attention back to me. He placed his hand on my thigh and started kissing my neck slowly. It took everything in me not to moan.

"Clary," he whispered, grazing my earlobe with his teeth and forcing my eyes to roll back into my head.

We reached his apartment quickly and he payed the cabbie, telling him to keep the change, before seizing my hand and backing me into the elevator and pushing me roughly against the wall where he continued his assault on my neck.

"Jace!" I moaned loudly when he reached the sweet spot where my neck met my shoulder. I could feel his lips smile in response to my undoing.

When the elevator finally reached his floor, he and I walked to his apartment as fast as we could, given that I was in heels. We reached his door and he unlocked it quickly, turning to reach for the light switch.

"No," I said loudly. He looked startled and confused at this. "No lights," I said, pulling him back to me.

I kissed him lightly on the neck to reassure him and felt his hands creep up my back to my face. He rubbed my cheekbones softly, reverently.

"No," I whispered softly.

"What is it?" Jace asked suddenly.

I pulled back a bit, but he refused to break contact.

"Jace, I want you. I'm tired of trying to fight it. But this isn't meant to be some explosive declaration. I can't handle that. I just want you, okay?" I asked, placing my hand over his.

"Okay," he said, with a crooked grin, "I can do that."

He removed his hands from my face and guided me towards the bedroom, thankfully neglecting to turn on the light. He walked backwards until his knees hit the side of the bed and sat down. I straddled him quickly. As though he couldn't wait any longer, he leaned his face towards mine and captured my lips in his. _Fuck_ this felt so right, I'd never felt this comfortable with anybody before, and I never thought I would. But now, as I had Jace trapped beneath me, I wondered if I would ever be able to let this feeling go.

I had to pull away sooner rather than later much to my disappointment from lack of oxygen. Jace wasted no time in tangling his hand in my hair and pulling it away from my face, kissing down my neck and chest. I began to unbutton his shirt while he did mine and soon we were both half naked. Jace wasted no time in attacking my newly exposed flesh, kissing the tops of my breasts and pulling the cups of my bra down so that he could suck on my hardening nipples.

"Fuck," I cried as he began to massage my other breast, "Jace, that feels amazing."

He unhooked my bra with his free hand and removed it quickly, his eyes darting across my body. "Clary, God you're beautiful," he whispered before returning his attention to my nipples.

He kissed his way down my stomach and pulled my skirt and panties down slowly, relishing the moment. He climbed back up my body and thrust a finger inside me slowly causing me to moan loudly. It had been _way_ too long since I'd done this!

"You like that?" he asked roughly, plunging his finger in and out of me slowly.

I could barely make coherent sounds at this point and gasped slightly as a second finger joined his first.

"Fuck, Clary, you're so tight!" he whispered.

He kissed his way back down my body and soon, his tongue joined his fingers, licking my clit in a way that should be illegal. His fingers thrust in and out faster and faster and soon I was incredibly close to orgasming.

"Just let go," he whispered softly, and that was all that did it.

I came hard, screaming his name softly. I could barely speak after the curbs of my first orgasm in over a year subsided.

"Clary?" he asked, a little concerned.

"Shhh," I whispered in his ear, "just give me a minute to recover."

He laughed softly in my ear, "that good, huh?" he asked cockily.

"Don't be so full of yourself, mister. Unless, of course, you don't want to have sex tonight," I said playfully.

That shut him up pretty quickly. He kissed my neck softly, waiting for me to give the all clear, which only took a moment.

"Okay," I said, "I'm good."

"We'll see," he quipped.

I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to question my sexual capabilities again. He was smart enough to know better.

"Clary, how long has it been for you?" he asked quietly.

"Um, a while," I said, slightly embarrassed.

He hugged me close, realizing that he made me feel bad. "That's not what I meant," he said, "I just want to make sure you're comfortable."

"Right," I replied, "maybe I should take the reins on this one."

He nodded in response, seeming all right with this. He sat down at the edge of the bed, pulling me with him. I knelt in front of him, slowly undid his belt and pulled his pants and boxers down. He was big. Much bigger than Raphael and my random one-night stands I'd had in the last couple years. This was probably going to be more than a little painful.

Jace sensed my hesitation and rubbed my arms soothingly. "Clary, we don't have to do this," he said sweetly.

"I want to," I said, "I need to."

Before he could voice any more concerns, I gripped his shaft in my hand, still on the floor, and brought him to my mouth. Jace hissed in delight, immediately tangling his hands in my hair to guide my movement.

"Clary," he said after a couple of minutes, "while I absolutely love what you're doing right now, I'd really rather not cum in your mouth."

I stood up once he'd untangled his fingers from my hair. "Condom?" I asked.

He reached over into the drawer on his night table and put it on quickly. I straddled him again and he gripped my hips for support. I took a deep breath before placing him at my entrance and lowering myself onto his length.

"Fuck," I said, wincing, "it's like losing my virginity all over again," I joked lightly.

"Clary, you feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock!" he murmured, moaning loudly. H

He rubbed those delicious circles on my back, waiting for me patiently. After a minute, I began to move. Jace seemed to enjoy this and promptly rolled me over onto my back. He thrust into me slowly at first, relishing the moment before speeding his movements.

"Jace, it feels so good," I moaned, thrusting in time with him.

He grunted in response, knowing how I felt. "God Clary, you feel fucking amazing!" he exclaimed.

"Jace!" I screamed as my orgasm overtook me without warning.

He followed soon after, and a few moments later, we were just lying there on the sweaty sheets of his bed. We both took a couple of much needed moments to catch our breath. He pulled me close, seeming intent on the idea of cuddling, but I was not.

"Jace?" I asked softly, pulling away from him lightly.

He didn't respond, he appeared to be asleep. I slid out of the bed quietly, slipping my clothes on while watching him for signs of movement. Thankfully he didn't wake up. I tiptoed my way to his door and closed it behind me.

I walked back to my apartment quickly, no longer drunk enough to dismiss what had happened. I didn't let myself think though, I couldn't deal with that right now.

I mindlessly made my way up to my apartment, unlocking the door mechanically and closed my eyes as it made that familiar screeching sound, the only sound that I ever really heard in this place. I swung the door shut and locked it behind me. I collapsed on my bed, thinking that despite my best efforts, I still ended up coming home to the same lonely place.

**A/N **

**So that was the first lemon I've ever written… like, ever. Sorry if it sucked. But don't let that stop you from reviewing!**


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